Okay so you know some people have dark, dark, dark secrets Some people pick their nose, some pick it and eat it, some people eat shit, some people do really strange things. Well I like to eat live bugs. Nobody in my life knows this. I just like the way some of them are soft and taste quite gummy, I like how some are crunchy and almost explode in your mouth when you bite down.

I started eating bugs when I was a kid. I started with ladybugs, I just kept eating them, they secrete some bitter liquid which had a really nice acquired taste. I went from lady bugs to other bugs. woodlice were my second and they were crunchy and easy to find, they also felt nice to eat when they’re in their ball state (a bit like cereal). The taste isn’t really the thing I like most of the time, it’s the texture, how it feels in my mouth. I love to eat them to this day. I went onto other insects as I got older, I started eating spiders. In the UK there are some spiders which come out at certain times of the year which can get BIG (I think it’s called the brown spider or wolf spider). When they squirm when biting down it almost adds to the texture, and the liquid that comes out is really creamy and good to eat. The legs are the problem though as they get stuck in your teeth.

Today I ate one of those spindly spiders, the daddy long legs ones. I saw some in the corner of my room, minding thier own business in their web. A moth was stuck in the web (moths are disgusting they’re like eating a spoon of flour). I put the spider in my mouth and proceeded to chew it. Now before I got my bite in to kill it, I think it bit me somehow on my tongue or something.

The worst burning sensation I have ever had happened at the moment. It was like my mouth was on fire, but not in a good way like spice. First my tongue was burning and it spread to my jaw and eventually I felt like my brain was going to come out. My tongue has a strange bumpy bit on it now and I don’t know if I should see a doctor or not, and even if I did see the doctor. How the fuck do I tell him how it happened?

TL:DR

I have eaten insects all my life and a spider bit the inside of my mouth