I sexually identify as a monorail. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of providing transportation to Brockway, Ogdenville, and North Haverbrook, and by gum that’ll put them on the map! People say to me that monorails are awfully loud, but I don’t care, I glide as softly as a cloud. I’m having a plastic surgeon turn me into a genuine, bonafide, electrified six-car monorail (What’d I say? Monorail! What’s it called? Monorail.) From now on I want you guys to call me Lyle Lanley, after my salesman, and respect my right to give brain dead slobs cushy jobs. If you think there’s a chance my track could bend, then you’re a monophobe and need to check your transportation privilege. I swear it’s Springfield’s only choice! Throw up your hands and raise your voice! Monorail! What’s it called? Monorail! Once again! Monorail!

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