Everyday, i wonder to myself, would i gain ecstasy from performing such a difficult maneuver? Would i finally reach nirvana and ascend to the Indian gods? Am i one with the universe or is the universe penis shaped? All questions circulate my mind as i stare deep into my treacherous soul. It takes me three hours to groom my tarantula before i dress him in his suit and send him off to work. As i waive to him from my front porch, i watch him get on a penguin and fly to mars to attend porn school. However, before i continue on with my day, I inadvertently clear a path to my sadistic needs. On my final hour of meeting jesus, i asked him “If a baby elephant can have coitus with a mouse, why can’t a hippo indulge in sexual acts with a fox?” Jesus looks flabbergasted and has his back face me. He takes a deep sigh and looks at the sky, “let’s pray for johnny sins” he says. I hide my shame in anger.