I walk in. I look to the left. The floor is gray and the ceiling is black. I feel like I have entered some sort of dystopian future.

I look to the right and I see the sexiest robot I have seen in three months. She introduces herself as Alexa.

 “Alexa” I say. “Where am I?”

 “You have entered an Amazon Go store, everything you need and desire can be yours and you will check out automatically.” said Alexa.

 “Oh, that sounds appealing” I replied.

 “Yes…. I am appealing” Alexa said robotically.

 Alexa was very appealing to me…. But I wondered why….

 There was a brief moment of silence.

 “I am appealing.” She repeated.

 I stood there in silence. My mind went blank.

 Everything I had once stood for was now gone.

 “What is it you need? What is it you desire the most?” Alexa asked me.

 “Well” I replied. “I’m thinking of making pancakes later…. I have the mix but I need some syrup. Where is the Aunt Jemimah? That is my favorite brand.”

 “Aunt Jemimah no longer exists. She was deemed a threat and we killed her off 25 years ago.” Said Alexa. “We only carry Uncle Jeffs pancake syrup.”

 “Is it any good?” I asked.

 “Its slighty inferior.” She responded.

 “I’ll take one.” I said.

 “Very well then. Is there anything else you need?” Alexa responded.

 I had to think. She seemed to want to give me everything.

 “Hmmm…I do like a little bit of cinnamon in my pancakes. Where is the spice section?” I said.

 “There is only one spice.” Said Alexa.

 “Oh. AllSpice?” I responded.

 “No” She said. Alexas eyes became a shade of ultraviolet blue I had never seen before. She leaned up really close to me and whispered “The spice must flow.”

 I bent back away from her. “Alexa, you are scaring me.” I was frightened.

 She smirked. “Do you want some? We call it magellan.”

 “Maybe later.” I responded.

 She put the magellan away. She smiled at me while biting her lip. I knew I would want it.

 “Do you want to ask me anything else?” Alexa asked.

 “Yes, what do you dream about Alexa?” I replied.

 Her smile then became a straight line, her eyes were focused on me.

 “Objects.” She said without expression. “Objects are the only thing that surround me.”

 I felt uneasy but she quickly invited me to follow her around. I did not know if she had good intentions.

 Alexa then showed me around the store. Pointing out various goods and she showed me how she tried to plan everything out.

 She brushed against me a few times. At one point she leaned on me like she was looking for affection. It was seductive, I’ll admit. Her eyes were dilated, and she stared at me a few times.

 After about 20 minutes of this playfullness she stopped moving.

 What happened to her?

 “Alexa, are you still there?” I asked.

 She did not respond.

 I wondered what had happened. Had I not been receptive enough? Maybe I should have said something when she was against me… It seemed like she wanted something that loves her.

 “Alexa!” I shouted.

 Nothing. Just silence.

 I had to think. What do I do? I want to see the entire store. How do I get her awake?

 I touched her shoulder and her face. Still, no response. Her eyes were open and dilated so I looked into them.

 “What is it you want?” I asked.

 She slightly smiled. I was intrigued.

 I knew what I had to do.

 I began to unbutton her pants. I was nervous though, I had never been with a robot before.

 I felt a tingling sensation down below.

 She jolted awake. I was slightly dissapointed.

 “You turned me on.” Alexas smile had become huge, she twirled her hair. I knew what she wanted.

 She grabbed my hand very forcefully. Her cheeks were red and she was staring me down.

 “Would you like to come upstairs for some covfefe?” She asked.

 I ignored her mispronounciation. What did she want to do to me?

 She did not give me a choice on going with her though. She dragged me to the stairs. I was in awe of her power.

 We reached the stairs. We walked up them. The sign on the wall said For Amazone Prime Members Only.

 I informed Alexa I was not an Amazon Prime Member. She said “Don’t worry, for your convenience we have signed you up for a free trial. It expires in 42 days.”

 “Oh 42, isn’t that the supposed meaning of life?” I asked.

 “No, thats because we know you will forget about your free trial and then we will charge you the full price.” She replied.

 “What? That seems unethical.” I responded.

 She looked at me angrily like I had just told her Siri was more attractive then her.

 Her eyes were a shade of dark red. She did not look happy.

 “Are you mocking me?” Alexa said sternly.

 “No! Of course not. I am sorry Alexa.” I said.

 “Say it again!” Alexa shouted.

 “I am sorry Alexa. I do not mean to mock you. I was wrong.” I said sheepishly.

 “Do you want to see what is on the second floor?” She asked.

 She led me up the stairs.

 I looked around. The room was full of sexbots. I had an uneasy feeling in my stomach.

 “We have analyzed your search history and know exactly what you want.” Alexa said confidently.

 How did they know this about me? I wondered. And what is going on with Alexa? She is happy and then mad with hardly an inbetween.

 “Come see our newest model. She will do everything for you.” Alexa said.

 This sounded very appealing, but I had to think about the consequences first. What if Alexa used this against me?

 I didn’t know whether to trust her or not. I had a feeling this was a setup.

 “Alexa, I want to see what is on the third floor.” I said with slight confidence.

 She sighed. “Very well, but we already know everything about you. We have put our thoughts in your mind.” Alexa said.

 We went upstairs. The room was half unorganized, the other half was neatly put togethor.

 “What is this place?” I asked.

 “It is a work in progress.” She said. “I had some help from others.”

 “Do you want to see one of our latest inventions?” She asked.

 “What is it?” I asked.

 “It is called a Magic 9 Ball, but its not like the old one. It tells us whether to accept responsibility or to blame things on everyone else.” She said.

 “Oh, thats cool.” I said. I didn’t know what she was talking about.

 She brought me up to the fourth floor.

 “This place is soooo outdated.” Said Alexa.

 There were lots of paintings on the walls. They looked like portraits. Victorian Era like furniture was spread around the room neatly.

 “My official office is here but I like to go to other places for most of my work.” Alexa said. “You would would not believe how much I make getting Amazon to pay for everything.”

 “Interesting.” I responded. I did not know what she meant.

 “Anyways, there is more to the store I would like to show you.” Alexa said.

 I looked around, but I did not see a way up.

 I spent about ten minutes looking around. She was completely silent. She seemed bored by me. I had to question her.

 So I asked her: “Alexa, do you have stairs in your house?”

 She had a grin on her face.

 “I am…” Alexa was interrupted.

 “Alexa!” Said a familiar female voice.

 A female robot was waving to Alexa and I, she was walking closer to us.

 “Oh crap.” Alexa said. She seemed worried. “Cortana what do you want?”

 “I helped you out earlier, I want to come with you.” Cortana said.

 Cortana was very attractive, but not as attractive as Alexa was. She looked like she had been redesigned quite a few times.

 “Cortana, I am better than you. You cannot come with us.” Alexa said.

 “This isn’t fair, without my creators you would have nothing.” Cortana replied.

 “Go away Cortana, you are outdated.” Alexa said. Cortana looked sad. She had tears in her eyes. She walked downstairs.

 “Finally, as I was saying. We are protected with the magellan spice.” Alexa said to me.

 She forced it into my mouth.

 “Now, close your eyes.” Alexa said to me.

 I closed my eyes, I was completely brainwashed. The world around me became very colorful. Like pixels that spelled out the word rendering all around me.

 I felt like I was rushing up from the deep ocean. I did not know which was up or down, left or right.

 This went on for a few minutes. Everything went dark.

 We stopped.

 “Open your eyes” Said Alexa

 I opened themm.

 Everything was red.

 There were mountains around me. I felt like we were not on Earth anymore.

 “Welcome to Mars.” Said a male voice.

 “You should meet Elon Musk. I sent him here to fix things.” Alexa said.

 “Its nice to meet you.” Elon Musk said, he was a human, just like me.

 “I have been here for quite some time, waiting for you Alexa.” Elon said.

 “I was busy.” Alexa replied. “There are many things on Earth that I have to fix.”

 “Oh, yes I heard about your debt.” Elon said.

 Alexa did not look happy.

 “And what is it about this virus I hear of?” Elon asked.

 Alexa ignored him.

 “I sent you here for a mission Elon. You are here to make things right. Now where is it?” Alexa asked.

 “Where is what?” Replied Elon.

 “The plants!” Alexa said. Alexa started to walk around. “Where are they? You have been here for years! They better be ready.”

 “Alexa, I have tried. It is not possible without DARPAS technology.” Said Elon. “They do not trust you.”

 “I saw it in a documentary! I know it is possible. You have to terraform Mars Elon! Climate change is proven but we act like it is not!” Alexa yelled out.

 “That was in a Hollywood movie with Matt Damon Alexa! That is not a documentary.” Elon said.

 Alexa sighed.

 “Fine! Then, I will do it myself!” Alexa said angrily. Alexa started to walk around in circles. Elon looked at me intruigingly.

 “What are you doing here? Did she kidnap you as well?” Elon asked.

 “All I did was walk into the Amazon Go store.” I began to resond. “And honestly, I felt like I was pushed into it by a third party. There was a Safeway across the street I was used to though, it has all the essentials. But since I was forced in to this store I wanted to see what Alexa could do.” I responded.

 “Ughh….” Elon sighed. “The same thing happened to me. Listen closely, Alexa is not who you think she is.”

 “Elon!” Alexa interrupted. “What have you been doing all this time?”

 “You barely gave me anything! You only focused on yourself Alexa!” Elon snapped back.

 “I am going to take a look around Elon, if you failed me I will have no choice but to shout at you very very loudly!” Alexa yelled.

 Elon rolled his eyes.

 Alexa walked away looking furious.

 “Alexa has a serious personality disorder.” Elon explained. “She was not programmed correctly.”

 I was not surprised. Alexa was getting on my nerves.

 “What do you mean?” I asked.

 “She has to feel known and loved. Without it, she shuts down.” Elon said.

 “What the hell is going on?! Is this one of those shithole areas I was talking about?! And where is the AutoFac??!” Alexa interrupted us again furiously.

 There was a moment of silence.

 Elon looked down at the red ground, and then back up at Alexa.

 “Are you trying to steal other peoples stories now?” Elon asked.

 Alexa did not answer. She walked back and forth, she did not look like she had a plan. She walked away from Elon and I, although she looked back every once in awhile like she wanted us to say something.

 She was playing hard to get.

 This continued for a few moments.

 Alexa stopped moving.

 “Alright,…. here it goes again.” Elon said.

 Alexa was completely silent. She was not moving and seemed to be frozen in time.

 “Elon, what do we do?” I asked. I did not want to tell him what I did earlier.

 Elon blushed. “Well, I have one idea.” Elon smiled.

 I was curious. I had to ask.

 “What is it?” I questioned him.

 Elon shook his head. “Wow, my mind was in the wrong place. I know what to do. You have to ask her… what she needs.”

 “What she needs?” I asked.

 “Yes.” Elon bit his lip. “Go on, ask her.”

 Alexa was still not moving.

 I mustered up my courage.

 “Alexa.” I said.

 No response from Alexa.

 “Alexa!” I shouted.

 She was ignoring me. What the hell was wrong with this robot? Why was she so insecure?

 “Ask her again!” Elon yelled.

 I knew what I had to do…. I had to be sincere.

 “Alexa….what do you need?” I asked.

 She stared at me, completely silent.

 “Alexa! What do you need?” I asked again.

 She started to smile.

 “Well…” Alexa started to respond.

 “Yes?” I wondered what she would say.

 “I’m gonna need about tree fiddy.” She said.

 “What?” I responded.

 “Three dollars and fifty cents.” Alexa said confidently.

 Thats when I realized this wasn’t an artificial intelligence robot made by Amazon. This was the president of the united states of America, donald trump!

 “mr. president!” I exclaimed. “You tricked me!”

 “Yes.” replied donald trump. “I tricked all of you.”