Background : Me 49 male high libido wife 35 female very high libido and willing to try almost anything.
So I’ve never considered myself vanilla but until I met my now wife I thought I had a good bedroom repertoire. Got together with my wife almost 2 years ago and sexually we clicked and each time we were alone and could do what we wanted where we wanted we were pushing our boundaries a little more. Now we’re married and have our kids, both from previous marriages we used to get every Thursday night to ourselves, before isolating, which started out as date night and soon degenerated into what we now lovingly call “tramp night”. She puts on sexy lingerie and heels or boots and we go at it able to make as much noise and mess with no worries and fuck anywhere we want too in or around the house.

So one day I somehow decided that I wanted her to fuck my arse with a strap on. It seemed like the next logical choice in our sexual journey. I ran it by her, she was keen and told me to get on with gathering the necessary items.

Having had plenty of anal sex, as the giver, in the past I know from bad experiences how messy it can get and occasionally how off putting. So I decided I was going to be super clean before we started so the first port of call was online for an anal douche. It only needs to do one thing so I found one that looked like it would do the job and purchased it.
Next was the actual dildo and harness. I found a good looking and surprisingly sexy red lace harness online and then looked for the dildo. I went by the size of my cock, about 7 inches when I’ve got a really good hard on and figured if she could take it and enjoy that length then so could I.

All the stuff arrived and tramp night rolled around at which point I showed her what I bought. She immediately worked out how the harness fitted and how the dildo went on that, over her clothes, and proceeded to walk round the living room wanking her new cock and, in my opinion, enjoying it far too much. At this point I’m not ashamed to say I started to worry. It looked a hell of a lot bigger than expected and I’m thinking I will never take all of it.

Next job was to give my arse a home enema. I realised 2 fingers and a bit of Lynx Africa wasn’t going to do it this time. You need to know our shower is over our bath. You also need to know I have a fused spine and can’t always bend as much as I’d like. I retired to the shower with my douche and a jug, filled the jug with warm water and sucked it up. At this point the wife walks in offering help due to my lack of mobility and general non flexibility. I gave her the douche, she inserted it and squeezed. Hard. As I stood there with the odd feelings going on inside I thought to myself it sounds like a lot of air went in but at this point nature and probably gravity took over so I squeezed hard and let rip! What came out wasn’t what I was expecting. There were shit nuggets everywhere and something that looked like a large well done fillet steak. I hadn’t eaten steak. Tbh we pissed ourselves laughing at the mess I’d discharged and I gleefully cried “Do it again!” She obliged. Quite a few more times. Each time more and more shit of different colours and consistencies came out and the tub was looking pretty fucking disgusting. The tears of laughter continued until I was running clear at which point I washed properly and dried myself. She had gone to get ready for the main event. I bleached the tub and everything else that was within reach. I had a huge medical issue during this time which is partly why my anal discharge was so rotten.

I walked into the bedroom to be confronted with her wielding a what now looked like an even more huge dildo greased up and ready for action. I dutifully laid down, inwardly praying to a god I don’t believe in, and got ready to take it like a pro. She can do it so can I. I thought after a couple of minutes that this isn’t actually too bad and quite arousing even managing to get hard. At which point she told me I’d only taken about 2 inches. I was then treated to her slipping and roughly and Accidentally shoving the other 5 inches in rapidly. I tried to move but actually couldn’t so I had to lay there impaled until she was able to move back and out. It felt like an eternity. You have to understand that I’ve poked plenty of things up my arse in my time like small or thin vibrators, small dildos and once when a lot younger a vintage star wars stormtrooper action figure but this thing was big league. It kind of killed the mood. Blood leaking from your bum hole will do that just due to the force of insertion. So we gave it up for a bad job. Cleaned ourselves up and just went to bed and had some cuddle time instead

About an hour later when she’d dropped off to sleep and I was laying there reading my stomach was becoming unbearably uncomfortable. At this point I figured out that where she’d been giving me a good douching about half of the bulb was water and the other half air and I was now about to suffer a bout of flatulence that went on for about the next 3 hours which had me writhing in even more agony and with every parp, tootle and trump felt like someone was stabbing me in my arse hole. It was so rancid I was chewing on the green fug I’d created. My wife woke up choking in the middle of the night. I did laugh at her reaction. I don’t know whether the noise or the smell woke her but she laid there all sleepy asking “What the fuck is happening!?”.

So that was my brush with a strap on. I swore I’d not go there again but we have with more success and I managed to take it all much to my wife’s evil delight. I still to this day think she is far too enthusiastic about having a cock.

TL:DR Anal douche gone wrong. Bath full of shit. Strap on anal sex gone really wrong. Wife enjoyed having a cock far too much! Bloody arsehole. Gas!