I sexually identify as an Apache AH-64 helicopter. Ever since I was a kid, I’ve dreamed of hovering over oil fields, dropping hot, sticky projectiles on nasty foreigners. They tell me that a person cannot be a helicopter, and I’m a dumbass, but I don’t care, I’m handsome. Now the plastic surgeon is installing blades, 30 mm cannons and AGM-114 Hellfire missiles on my body. From now on, I demand that they call me “Apache” and respect my right to kill people from a height just like that. And if you do not accept me, then you are helicopter-phobe, and better look at your traffic privileges. Thanks for understanding.