So I was at a shopping centre, with my DSi, and a cartridge case that contained 2 games. Space Invaders Extreme 1 and 2. I also had a homebrew cart in my DSi. I was getting bored of homebrew games, so I swapped my cartridges for Space Invaders Extreme 1. I then realised that I might find people who love this unknown masterpiece too. So I turned up the volume, full blast and went for an easy playthrough (which is still quite hard in this game). Someone sat down next to me on the bench I was sitting on and said “Is that Space Invaders Extreme?”
I couldn’t believe it. Someone knew this masterpiece, and they were sitting right next to me. I said “Yes, do you have your DS with you? Maybe we could play a game of SEI Multiplayer?” What happened next was shocking. He said “No, and even if I did, I have the PSP version, so I couldn’t play multiplayer with you.” PSP version? I could not believe what I just heard. Taito let uncultured swines like him play this masterpiece?
I was taken by surprise. I quit my game, connected to the shopping centre’s free WiFi, and launched the DSi Browser. I googled it and he wasn’t lying. Taito DID let uncultured swines play this masterpiece. I bet he doesn’t even understand the true beauty of this game. I bet he couldn’t even beat stage 5A of Space Invaders Extreme 2. I thought Taito was the best game company ever, but now, I want to murder everyone who was hired by them at the time of making these terrible ports. I looked further and found it had a different soundtrack. Taito’s been making these uncultured swines even worse. They’ll never understand the true beauty of the DS version of Space Invaders Extreme. I had to do something.
I jumped at him. I slapped his face several times. I kicked him in the nuts and dragged him to the Lidl in the centre. I grabbed one of the knives on sale, and stabbed him. The police were alerted, and I was arrested. I got a 30 year sentence, but it was worth it, knowing I got rid of a pathetic scumbag who shouldn’t even be playing that work of art. We had the Mona Lisa in 1503, The Starry Night in 1889, and Space Invaders Extreme in 2009. Good riddance, I say.