I went to Burger King just a few hours ago, and it was the worst experience of my entire life. Their website defines the Whopper as: “A 1/4 lb\* of flame-grilled beef patty topped with juicy tomatoes, crisp lettuce, creamy mayonnaise, ketchup, crunchy pickles, and sliced white onions on a toasted sesame seed bun.”
However, the beef patty was a 1/5 of a pound at best, and the tomatoes were far too big! They took up over half the space of the burger! The lettuce was so elastic that when I bit into it, it stretched like a fucking rubber band and snapped right back at me, and not to mention how the mayonnaise-to-ketchup ratio looked like the difference between Sweden and Canada! It was as if someone haphazardly sprayed mayo all over the place, but then immediately after used a syringe to put in the ketchup. And even worse than that, they forgot the god damn pickles! How the hell would you forget pickles on a burger!? That’s like forgetting to get dressed in the morning, or forgetting which movie you’re watching AS YOU’RE WATCHING IT! What the fuck?
But eating the food isn’t the worst part about Burger King, oh no. It’s when it comes back out! That’s right, Burger King gave me fucking FOOD POISONING, as if fucking up my burger wasn’t enough! I was in their bathroom for a solid half hour, and whilst I was in there, I noticed how sticky the floors were, how abhorrent the stench was, how little toilet paper there was. Calling it a shitshow would be giving it too much credit.
But possibly the absolute worst part about Burger King, is the communist employees. They expected me to pay “sales tax?” What the hell kind of marxist scheme is that? Those god-damn commies at Burger King aren’t getting extra money out of me! This is the fucking United States of America! If anything, they should be paying me for even eating there! If those fucking communists want another cent out of me they’ll have to earn it, and the fact that they’re calling it “sales *tax*” makes me think they’re trying to trick people into thinking that paying it is mandated by the government. Jokes on you, you bastards! I don’t even pay my fucking taxes! Chew on that you motherfuckers!
All in all, I think it’s safe to say Burger King is a 4/10, I would only eat there if absolutely necessary for my survival as a human being.