Hi Reddit,

Just a little background about myself before I start: I, (23m) have a stable job as a computer technician and am living in an apartment with my girlfriend (21f).

Anyways, a couple of months ago I was on the bus commuting to work listening to my spotify playlist (I usually listen to Coldplay, U2, etc.) when I saw a song in my recommended: No Surprises by Radiohead. Intrigued by the album art, I thoughtlessly clicked on the song. It was love at first sight. I had never heard sound like this before, much less by such a talented vocalist. Soon, I was closing my eyes and simply feeling the orgasmic vocal perfection.

I jolt awake to the pounding drumbeat of Idioteque. I’m still in the bus. I check my phone for the time: 2:30 PM.

“What happened?” I ask the woman sitting beside me.

“The bus driver says you’ve been asleep for hours. You were muttering something about the government and sweating like hell!”

“Oh, thanks.”

I looked at my spotify playlist, only to be horrified that all my songs had been replaced by Radiohead songs.

Over the next few weeks, I began investigating into these “radio heads” that I had been listening to. I discovered they were a British band with lead singer Thom Yorke. I related to Thom. I felt like we were brothers in a hopeless world, and that gave me comfort.

When I began listening to Kid A, I would keep it on replay for weeks. Then when I found Amnesiac, I would do the same again. My Radiohead hobby had become a obsession.

Initially, I was able to hide it. But soon, it became all too obvious I listened to Radiohead. My coworkers began to notice how I wouldn’t come to lunch, instead preferring to hide in the bathrooms listening to OK Computer. We began drifting apart, and I became known as “the guy who never takes off his headphones.”

It even began affecting my romantic relationships. I talked less to my girlfriend of 3 years. We still had sex though. *Talk less, fuck more* I thought. I would play various Radiohead songs while we fucked. She kinda liked Weird Fishes/ Arpeggi, but Idioteque was too much for her.

Then, it happened one day. That day, as we cuddled in bed to the very same No Surprises I had listened to all those months ago, I noticed something. Slowly, her body began transforming into something beautiful, the perfect life form. *Thom Yorke.* I nearly cried at what I saw. It was *HIM*, in all of his glory. As we fucked, he began singing with the song. Mesmerized, I followed suit. Half way through, I leaned in for a big sloppy kiss. He obliged with his tongue. We were both crying now.

Suddenly, my girlfriend pushed me off the bed and onto the hard wood floor.

“What the fuck babe? Why the fuck are you crying out for “Thom Yorke” or whoever?”

“N- no Thom I can explain.”

“You’re actually such a *creep* holy shit.”

She slept on the floor that night. I cried jn bed because I was so close, so close to touching him, to cumming in his cute British ass.

After the day, we would try to fuck again, but she was *nothing* compared to Thom. I couldn’t feel anything the next time. The only thing that could bring me satisfaction would be Radiohead’s music, of which I would use to dream of Thom.

My girlfriend gave me an ultimatum today, to “fix up my shit in a week,” or the relationship’s over. I’m beginning to think we may never be compatible. After all, she listens to Creep *UNIRONICALLY.*

What do I do, Reddit?