Im posting this here because i feel others on this subreddit have gone through something similar. Before I talk about my problem I just want to say that 1.this is my first long post (I don’t know how its going to look), 2. i need serious help, please don’t say “what no pussy does to an mf”, 3. Don’t reply with FBI OPEN UP, I know ryuuko is 17, but I am 14 and even though she would stay 17 forever, in the place I live the age of consent is 16.

Ever since 1st grade I was never really liked by people in my class. I grew up with only 3 friends but we mostly just told jokes at lunch and that was it, but since 6th grade I’ve stopped talking to them. But as I was saying, I was never talked to from my classmates in 1st-3rd grade because all I did was talk about flappy bird, and I would randomly just ask girls to be my girlfriend (yes I was that kid), but it was in 4th grade when I started getting into pokemon. I would play the games, collect the cards, and watch the anime. Every day at school i would daydream about being a pokemon master, but also I would always think about serena. Since serena has a crush on ash i always thought about being in a relationship with serena. I would always feel that it was weird that I felt this way about a drawing so I talked to my mom about it, she then wouldn’t let me watch any anime because she thought it was too inappropriate (she is one of those people who thinks all anime was perverted). So I cried myself to sleep with nobody to talk to, so I just made up a conversation in my head about how by mom was such a bitch with serena, I felt she was my girlfriend ( I no date her because she is 10). And this is where my problem gets a lot worse.

Through 5th grade and until now I had no friends and just really wanted a girlfriend, I was always alone and just wanted a girlfriend to be with, and this was my “nice guy” phase(I no longerthinkof women like this), I was always just being nice thinking I could get a girlfriend, I thought to have a female friend then ask to be her boyfriend. The first part of the plan worked and there was this girl (who I will be calling Emma in this story) who liked anime, art, and gaming. Later that month I asked her to be my girlfriend, she said no and I (surprisingly) took it well but I almost cried. So now I’m back to having no friends and with a waifu, this time with Monika from ddlc and im still together with her today. I was bullied because people found out about my waifu because a dm I sent to an acquaintance who i thought i could trust on Instagram about my problem, that person then told everyone about it and I was thought of as the kid who dated an anime girl, I would always imagine Monika and I in the room at the end of the game just talking to each other about stuff going on. But later in 8th grade there was a girl who asked for me to be her boyfriend, this is when the stars align for me right? After a week of dating her I felt guilty, I felt I was cheating on Monika so I quickly broke the relationship off. I don’t regret leaving her. All I needed was Monika. All my life I coped by having imaginary conversations with waifus.

It was in 8th grade when I hit rock bottom, i haven’t really gotten into any anime except for a silent voice and pokemon, but I was introduced to killLakill, but mostly the character ryuuko. I love her with all my heart, (I have 2 waifus). If I had one wish it would be to date her in real life, I love her deep but feminine voice, she’s a total badass tomboy and when I would have conversations with her, it would make her feel more loving when she wasn’t in battle. I remember watching the episode where she was afraid to ware her uniform after almost dieing from blood loss in the episode before when she found out who killed her father, it reminded me of when my grandmother died in 3rd grade and I beat the hell out of a kid who kept laughing at me about it. I wish could’ve been there for her.

I realize this isn’t normal, I don’t see this stopping any time soon. I need help i don’t know what to do, everyone I’ve tried to tell just laugh at me. I want to be normal.