So I’ll talk about my first ritual. Now before I get started I’m going to make a quick little disclaimer.

**DO NOT DO WHAT I DID!**

Now let’s set the scene. I’m 16 years old, highschool fucking sucks, being a teenager fucking sucks, and I’m disillusioned with Christianity and being a “nice guy”. I’ve been practicing psi methods for several years up to this point, and I was well familiar with spirit work and what have you, even making several tulpas for general purpose use. I also worked pretty extensively in the Astral. I was also told by several people, one of them being my mother, that I would be a spiritual leader. One of the prominent leaders, one who would help usher in the Age of Aquarius. Y’know, the Chosen One rhetoric. It didn’t help that I also had a bit of a Gift of Prophecy, Gift of Tongues, etc from my Christian background.

I was basically slated to be the next asshole you see on forums like this, going on and on about the Apocalypse and how you’d all go to Hell. I’d probably be an incel ontop of it too.

But due to all of this magickal shit going on without a mentor, I was also pretty bad off. I mean, in and out therapist offices and just the whole gamut, y’know? It didn’t help that I was voted “Most likely to shoot up the highschool.” Thanks to my brooding demeanor, and dickhead kids being dickhead kids. I ended up dropping out rather than deal with the constant harassment. (Like I legit had people ask me if I could spare them when I finally went on my rampage. It was fucked.)

So without saying, not only did I have *a lot* riding on this ritual, I was also coming from some background. I wasn’t some fresh off the street asshole, I *knew* deep down what I was getting into. But I didn’t care – I wanted the pain to go away, or maybe even better, the power to inflict my own pain on others. I was fucked up, beaten down, ready to quit.

So the thought began to creep, “What if I sold my soul to the devil?” Now at first I didn’t like it, but my god did it *persist*. “Think of all the things I could do! I could finally lose my virginity! I could know EVERYTHING!” Well eventually I gave way, sometime after I committed more time to the Satanic Bible. This didn’t help things, because suddenly the idea to sell my soul had some idea of coherence. “Come on bro, it’s just psychodrama. Not like it’s real right? You’re just schizophrenic right?” Shit like that.

Well I finally gave in, but I didn’t want to fuck this up. I mean, if I was going to sell my soul to motherfuckin’ Satan, I was going to do it big because I got Leo in some places in my chart. Everything’s gotta have pizzazz, I’m like a less interesting David Bowie when it comes to my magick. So this is what I did.

First I was like, “Yo Yeshuah, I’m steppin’ out for a minute.” “Cool. You know where to find us.”

On the first night:
I decided to declare my renunciation of the Faith, and of Christ. So with that said, I had stolen a lighter from my Mom’s purse, and got this cross that I believe was consecrated. I used to use it to shield myself from lower elemental forces, mostly imps and other bullshit that dwells on your peripheral. As I renounced the Church, Faith, everything, I would then burn the cross. This was a solid chunk of wood, it took hours for me to do this. Baby’s first cross burning and it was a shitshow. Didn’t have any gasoline, I just used a lighter, and I would hammer it down with the butt of lighter I stole. Eventually after a few hours, it was just a mostly chunky black dust.

Never to be outdone by so many edgelords and “wannabes”, I went one step further, I stripped naked, and I smeared the ashes all over me. It was a symbolic gesture I had in mind, the Phoenix rising from the Ashes so to speak, being birthed into this new world and being all “Ooooo *Satanic.”* I then promptly took a shower, laughed at how metal I fucking am, and went to bed.

Through it all I was thinking of what I wanted to do, how I was going to do it, and I decided later the next day what I’ll be doing.

On the second day:

On the second day, I believe it may have been night, I really don’t remember – I got my room all set up. Basically on my little bookshelf I had this notebook paper drawing of an inverted pentagram, a few candles I stole from around the house, and I even had a black robe on – it was a grim reaper costume from a few Halloweens prior which was well, *perfect.* I even used a machete I got from Wal-Mart as a sword, named her Betty. Betty the Machete. (Or it might have been one of my shitty mall katannas at the time.)

So I did the Invocation to Satan that one can find in the Satanic Bible. After doing so, I was expecting, y’know – *something*. This is coming from a guy who saw shadows and spirits on a regular basis, but no, this ritual was fucking quiet. Needless to say I put it out of my head and I said in my most Warlock-y of voices, something like this,

“Oh Satan! I am here to offer my soul in exchange of 4 simple things.

1.) I wish to lose my virginity. (I was 16! Gimme a break.)

2.) I wish to be popular (I had dreams of being a politician one day, but that dream was taken from me. Or so I thought, till Trump was elected…)

3.) I wish to experience life at it’s fullest. (I was mostly a hermit at this point, grass is greener on the other side.)

4.) I wish to have knowledge of EVERYTHING.

Then the ritual was concluded, it ended, I said my goodbyes and put everything away and laughed it off with my confidante at the time. I didn’t feel any different, I didn’t notice anything out of sorts. It was a complete dud, I thought. “Psi balls are way better. The fuck is this Occult nonsense?” Stopped giving a shit about the Satanic Bible, and generally everything lost it’s appeal there. I promptly forgot about it.

About a month or two later I believe, something *did* happen though. I was woken up from sleep, and I was paralyzed, when a voice was whispering hoarsely into my ear.

“YOU THERE! MAKE YOUR CHOICE NOW! INFINITE PAIN FOR INFINITE KNOWLEDGE, OR INFINITE JOY FOR INFINITE EXCESS?” (something like that.)

In my half-groggy, still paralyzed state however, I already knew my answer. “Infinite pain for infinite knowledge.” I’m not sure why I chose that, I guess because it sounded more honorable. The Voice didn’t respond, it merely stopped talking, and I fell back asleep.

Several months later? Lost my virginity. About a year after that, I begun smoking weed, cigarettes, and getting drunk. Three things I would adamantly swear I’d never do, for reasons, and yet I wound up doing it. Then the results go on and on and on. I wound up homeless, with bipolar symptoms, developing alcoholism. Y’know, all the bad shit that is standard fare for unprotected Goetia-related work.

At the end of it all though, I got what I asked for, and I didn’t even have to sell my soul – because let’s break the illusion here folks – it isn’t mine to sell! That’s like an arm hair of mine trying to sell me into slavery, I’ll just cut the hair off. Weird little sentient hair. GTFO.

Which is what happened to me. I got cut off.

Took a while before I got back into good graces of everything for that collosal fuck-up. Thanks to this dream I had with the Tower card playing a prominent role, but w/e, that’s *another* story.

But yeah, baby’s first ritual. As much of a mess it was, and how much the results are still *on-going*, I really don’t regret ever doing it. However I cannot in good conscience advise anyone to do what I did, because I did a **stupid** thing. Would I take it back? Fuck no. But don’t you beginners be stupid like me – just use a sigil if you wanna do low magick, it’s frankly just easier and has less dire implications.

**TL;DR: Attempted to sell my soul to the Devil, got laughter and a swift kick in the ass instead.**