You’re an amateur. The reason he failed to kill you is because I killed god. I’ll tell you how.

About a minute ago, I called on god to kill me when I was three years old. He did, but then my lack of existence caused that edict of mine to go unsaid, and so I never died as a toddler and lived the rest of my life… and then two minutes ago commanded that he kill me when I was 3… etc. And the effort to essentially redraw all of time and space over and over and over again infinitely fast to try to make good on my command and on his initial plan made his VRAM and GPU overheat so badly that it killed him and caused the Big Bang. So we’ve been 100% god-free since the Big Bang, though there kinda sorta was one just prior to that.

Moral of the story- don’t cheap out on your GPU cooler. And the infinite improbability drive (reference HHGTTG) is nice, as it harnesses some of the leftover energy from the Big-Bang-sparking paradox, but a paradox-powered machine would draw directly from on the CMB and gravitational waves that preceeded it from the singularity- it would be as close as a direct connection to god as you could get, at least in theory.

Anyway, God didn’t kill you because I got him first. You’re welcome. Have a good life.