Here lies Donald John Trump, former President of the United States, Emperor of the American Peoples, Grabber of Pussies, Twice-Impeached, the Great Collapsar of economies, Erector of Walls, Commander of Hogs, Adderall-Snorting World Champion, the Speech-Slurrer, the Inciter of Insurrections, the Befouler of the Highest Office, Tsar of Global Warming, the Looter of Children’s Cancer Charities, Demolisher of Trust, Obliterator of Ballots, Supreme Cancer upon the USA

June 14, 1946 — ????

“I believe God will be very proud of my tremendous achievements.”