You’re travelling to a cinema — a dimension not only of sight and sound but mainly of money, baby! A journey into a wonderous land whose boundaries are those of the director’s budget. That’s a signpost up ahead: next film: the Twilight Saga: Twilight (the first film, which has the same name as the whole series).


Washington State, March 2008. Bella Swamp mindlessly crosses the road. What’s that? A van tripulated by the Italian mafia approaches the gal. The spaghetti vehicle is about to crash into Bella, but out of the blue sexy Bri’ish acta Edward J. Coolaids (the J. stands for Joestar) jumps between Swamp and the van.
‘Oh f”cki’ says the Italian chief as the police officers take them out of the van and into the jail.

Black cop 1: what’s your name, young boy? You helped us detain these criminals with some sort of crazy British powers, we’ve been looking for them for the last eighty years.
Coolaids: no probs agent. It’s my duty to protect beautiful and desperate women. And the name is Coolaids, Edwe’d Coolaids.
Black cop 1: thanks Coolaids. Tell me, would you have done the same for a man?
Coolaids: hell no! I ain’t a homo! Stop asking weird questions you coppity cop cop!
Black cop 1: farewell, gentlebrit.

Edwerd turns to Bella:

Bella: what has just happened?? You saved me!
Edhwards: well yes, I guess you could say my love for you is stronger than a 4 ton spaghetti van (although not stronger than a flying spaghetti monster – thinks to himself).
Bella: uwu thats so sweet. Wait a minute! You just saved me from a car accident! Is this a gag? Some sort of practical joke?
Edweerds: yes, well no. I must confess you one thing: years ago, I attended a wizardry school in northern Britland, the Edinburgh school of sexy wizardry and vampireness.
Bella: woah, that’s so cool! And true! Wait a minute, have you said vampi…

COOLAIDS QUICKLY BITES BELLA .

Bella: agh, so this is what a serious relationships is all aboot.
Coolaids: have you said…?
Bella: relationship.
Edwiord: no! Another scarier word.
Bella: I can’t think of any other scarier word than relationship – can I get a high five ladies? ;););)
Eddwars: no, I swear it wasn’t that. oh goss, now i remember, you said ‘aboot’. Are you Canadian?
Bella: at last, you have discovered my secret, now I shall devour your soul.

Bella transforms into Cthulhu and eats Coolaids man.



Rod Serling: today’s episode was about the story of a young Brit who gives it all to save a beautiful Canadian, but receives nothing but death and a handful of funny looks in return. Perhaps we could learn something about this. I say, let us conquer Canada.



Next week, in the Twilight Saga:
Bella swamp will have to face twenty years of jail for eating a vampire in public, and a life-lasting diarr*** for a Brit related indigestion. See you in this same station, at the very same hour (Rob winks).