The government is plotting against us. Why are they called toiletries if they’re used in the restroom? Why is it called the Moon if the Sun sets? Why is the color black called black if Black people are brown? And why is the Earth 70% water if it’s name means lava? Schools are telling us ostriches and penguins are birds even though they can’t fly. They’re telling us that global warming exists, even though we still have winter. Some people are even saying that the Earth is flat! Everyone knows that a disc isn’t flat, but people still think they are anyways. Y’know what? I think it’s those pesky iPhones that the government invented to mind control people with sonic brain waves. We need more people like Trump that believe that the Jews are stealing our jobs. And it’s clear that the Jalapeño thing from World War “eye-eye” didn’t happen. I mean, have you ever met someone from the Jalapeño? I’ve never met anyone from Mars either, which means even the scientists are lying to us. And you know what’s even worse? Some people are trying to defend Net Neutrality! Isn’t that crazy? Who needs any other website besides Vox? There, you can get free, completely unbiased articles on your favourite people. Besides, being neutral is boring. The public needs to spice it up a bit. What I’ve learned is that all of this is part of the government’s plan to take over the United States. Everything they do has a butterfly effect, and that butterfly effect is taking away our American pride. Butterflies aren’t American. They’re using kids to vote in officials that will decide what we can do, even though we’re adults! We need to stop this, and soon.