I’m so deep in the game I don’t fast forward anymore guys. That’s where this all leads folks. Not fast forwarding.

POV: one minute you’re telling your middle school buddies to checkout that whitehouse.com site in the computer lab between Age of Empires II LAN showdowns cause you’ve convinced them as a prank it’s an official government website that the president uses. Time flies and you’re 14 years old whacking it away to lesbian porn on welivetogether.com on a dial up AOL browser while your away message is on. By the time you’ve hit high school, you’ve seen enough run of the mill couple porn and gangbangs to where it’s all gangsta until an unsuspecting thumbnail of a woman catches your eye, and 3 min in, you’re surprised when the girl deadass pulls out her penis, but you don’t exactly look away, because what the fuck is happening rn. You slip up, but you’re ride or die and all in at this point, so the exploration of fetishes builds onward: weird tube sites, anime porn that you have no idea how tentacles got involved in, asian blurry gameshow bukkake. The works. Then next thing you know you’ve graduated college, get a good job, figure out through more error than trail, the weird shit isn’t for you: but real life experience definitely is. Enter doing blow with high end escorts and what feels like endless nights of mdma fueled rave parties where you end up at randos houses for after parties at 11am. Too many parties and recycled bachelor parties for your friends leaving you behind, one by one. 17 vegas trips later, you’re in your mid twenties, and come to realize while in Cabo with the boys, after visiting the local strip club, Carmen and her stripper squad all coincidentally just happen to really take a liking to you and your friends, but you and the homies wake up robbed of all your belongings, because strippers in Mexico, that’s why. Well that’s the last bachelor party you ever want to go on again, and figure settling down and taking it easy is probably a good idea. Sure, you now have a relationship but it’s not like she’s dating you for your degeneracy, so it’s back to porn on nights you don’t have sex – the usual compilation piece or what not. Now you’re pushing thirty and it’s more fucked up than you think: porn with storylines with mostly clothed models, because you’ve really outdone yourself on everything else. The fact that the buildup storylines on these pornos are turning you on is more concerning than anything else. You scream but it’s on the inside, no one can hear you: WHY THE FUCk AM I NOT FAST FORWARDING?!?!

Cut scene, Black Mirror S6 E1.