There are many different ways to tackle the shower orange, here’s my 12 step program:

1. Procure orange.
2. Wash orange in a sink, pre-shower just for grins during this covidian era. This step is optional otherwise.
3. Get into shower, bring orange with you, set it down in the corner of the shower or some other safe place, in the shower.
4. Get warm, get wet, get immersed in the steam and the calm and the bliss of the shower. Get settled and comfy. Put your soul at peace.
5. At your leisure, when the moment is right for you, when your heart says it’s time, pick up your orange. Cradle it. Treat it well. He’s sacrificing himself for your pleasure after all.
6. Begin peeling the orange outside the stream of water, while you’re standing in the stream. Keep the orange dry for the time being, until it’s naked.
7. Let the peels fall at your feet. This is one of the most important tenants of the shower orange. You don’t need to be clean, because the shower cleanses you. Let the peels fall where they may.
8. This is the most important step. Listen carefully. Do NOT under any circumstances, break the orange into its component slices like how you would normally eat an orange. Keeping the juice contained is the opposite of the point of a shower orange. BITE INTO THAT BITCH. Get lost in the sauce.
9. savor the sensation. While you stand in the hot stream, the chilly orange juice runs down your chin and onto your chest. The temperature contrast is a beautiful thing. Cold juice against warm water. Oh my god.
10. Savor the flavor. The bright citrus, refreshing and crisp and clean. So springy and fresh. It’s the best flavor.
11. Close your eyes. Consume the orange at the pace that’s right for you. Don’t rush it, it’s ok to go slow. Listen to the flavor and the sensations without visual data distraction.
12. Orgasm.