Me: We have been at this for decades, please not like this Murder Snail! Just kill me already! I-I-I.. I c-can’t read a-another comment that says “Death by Snu Snu” in the askreddit thread! I’m right here. I am pleading with you to touch me with your fated venom and bring our intertwined destiny to a close once and for all.

Murder Snail: Why not? Do you not find it funny? Do you not find it epic? Do you not find this reference from the hit animated show Futurama being repeated over and over enjoyable? Snu Snu means sex on the Amazon Women planet from the show. It’s a reference, you know. After all, we are only on comment 1,216. One after Magna Carta.

Me: That’s the problem! It’s hilarious! It’s the funniest shit I’ve ever witnessed. It gets funnier each and every time I lay eyes on a “Death by Snu Snu.” Which is sex! It’s even funnier than watching the show! Redditors have perfected the humor like the writers on Futurama never could! I am laughing so hard it is painful, I am in unspeakable agony. I have broken several ribs and ruptured multiple organs. Please just end it!

Murder Snail: Not yet. Soon enough. I’ve waited so many long years. Slowly making my way to you. Like malicious molasses. Over the tallest of mountains, through the deepest of valleys. Across the seven seas. Till the ends of the Earth I’ve hunted you as you live a life of luxury. Ever patient for this moment. I can wait to get through a few more epic based sexy sex Reddit comments. I came to say this. Underrated comment.

Me: …. decoy snail??

Murder Snail: Oh, you are mistaken. I am very, very real.

Murder Snail deviously winks with one of their extended eyes. Leisurely rolling over the down key as we scroll further down the page witnessing countless comments exclaiming “Death by Snu Snu!” and “THIS!”

Me (Having a violent seizure and coughing up blood): Nu-nuu-nooo-noooo!! hahahahaha nuh-no! hahahahahahahah oooh ahahahahahahahaha hoho nooo! arghuuhhhhahahahahahahah! Oh g-god please!! S-s-stop! No! hahahahahahahah!! ughhhahahahahahahahhoooo! arghuhahahahahahaaa