So way back when I was a little boy my mother always gave me a giant bowl sauerkraut for breakfast
And after a couple years I go, “Hey mom, what’s up with all of this sauerkraut?”
And my dear sweet old mother looked at me like a deer looking at oncoming traffic, leaned down next to me and said,
“IT’S GOOD FOR YOU!!!”
Then she force fed me sauerkraut till I was 27 and a half years old and it was then and there where I decided that I would never eat sauerkraut ever again
So while I was reveling in my newfound freedom a guy dressed up as Abraham Lincoln was at a booth trying to get people to correctly guess the amount of molecules in Leanord Leeroy’s butt
Well I was off my three but I still won the grand prize of a super awesome one way ticket to Albuquerque
So a day later I was on the plane sat next to this fat Romanian chick who smelled extensively of body odor
And to make a long story short the plane crashed and everyone died but I survived because I had my seatbelt on, chair in an upright position, loose luggage in the designated luggage area and my feet planted flat on the ground
So I calmly exited the plane and decided I was in the mood for doughnuts And so while I went out to look for doughnuts I find the donut shop
So I walk up to the counter and ask if they had any jelly doughnuts. They were out. I asked if they had any doughnut holes. They were out. I asked if they had any Bulgarian cream filled doughnuts. They were out. So, I ask for bear claws instead. He says, “Wait a second, I’ll check the back.”
“No, we’re out of bear claws!” Then he responds, “Right now all I have is this box of 5 starving deranged weasels.”
“I’ll take that.”
So I open the box and the weasels pop out and start chewing on my face like \*Ragh, arghslvshg, raghshlev!”
And then a little thought crossed my mind… “Aw God! Get them off! Get them off me! Ah, God, Ahhhh!!”
And then that’s when I met the love of my live, and the first thing she said to me was, “Hey. You’ve got weasels on your face.”
And that’s when I knew that that I had met the one that was for me. So fast forward a year and we’ve been dating a lot. Then, one night in bed, she leans over and asks me, “Honey, do you want to join the Irish recreational club?”
And that’s when I said, “Woah baby! I’m just not ready for that kind of relationship!” We fought, and she left and I never saw her again. But that’s just the way things go in Albuquerque!
Hm. I uh, kinda lost my train of thought here. Ah. Hmm. Oh, yeah.
I. HATE. SAUERKRAUT!!!!!!!
That’s the point I was trying to get across.