As a first time DM, I tried very hard not to let myself get too carried away. I knew that people might have different expectations, and that it would take a while to feel those out and settle into a play style that suited everyone.

However, early on some big red flags cropped up: one person consistently meta games, which forces me to adjust encounters to keep them on their toes. Another has put all his spare time into maxing out his characters stats, so that he barely takes damage in combat and has no real risks. Another wasn’t interested in role play or subterfuge at all, only stabbing and killing.

These things I carefully tackled: I made NPCs for them to interact with and moved plot points around so that things were ever changing and unpredictable. A problem player who continually tried to annoy the other players was allowed to die from his own mistakes, and has not been invited back. I thought I had a handle on things.

Except my husband. From day one, his utter lack of respect for my DMing has been obvious: refusing to open chests he has a key to “on principle” but whining endlessly that the consequence was having other players try to take the key from him. Apparently I shouldn’t allow that. I also shouldn’t allow people to have big stats because that’s not fair, and I shouldn’t allow people to get information out of NPCs just because they role played the conversation and he just wanted to roll for it. I shouldn’t tell them how many exits there are unless they roll for perception and I shouldn’t make them roll a stealth to go through a room that seems empty. It’s not fair to expect everyone to stick to races and classes in the handbook and it’s cruel to penalize someone for roleplaying so badly it took 20minutes to ask a simple question, with not giving them what they came for, even if they never actually got around to asking for it.

You name it, he criticized it. Endlessly interrupting me. I could deal with the non stop pop culture references up until I had to restart the same scene description four or five times, and was bitched at for not pausing to give him a chance to rob someone (which he could e done instead of quoting movies) I had to repeatedly ask for no phones at the table, for people to tell me what they’re rolling for before they throw the dice etc. And all the time my husband is demanding the second from me, but to the extreme : I can’t use my phone to look up a spell someone has asked to use, I need to stop action description to roll and then let everyone see the dice before I can carry on (slowed combat down massively) etc.

And then tonight. The party turned up and the jokes were flowing, but for some reason husband had to argue about everything. Guard asked him his name? “Well why don’t you tell me your name?” And then threatens him! Get told he’s under arrest and these are the charges? “You can’t charge us for this! DM is just trying to kill us off!” And disguises himself into something offensive. Reminded him OOC he’s supposed to be a wood elf, why is he being antagonistic? In character, he is asked to shut up and speak in turn, interrupts AGAIN and is shackled? Immediately tried to pick the lock whilst the guard are still looking at him and is outraged that he is seen and spotted, pouts when told he needs to at least wait for the conversation to move on a little bit so the guards are distracted. Took fourth minutes for an NPC to read out their crimes and get their names. Literally, that’s all. Everyone had to argue with her, none of them role played their characters showing her respect AS AN OFFICER OF THE LAW DECIDING WHETHER TO HAVE THEM EXECUTED. Nope, just insult her, interrupt her, refuse to answer her questions. Husband was the worst for this.

And I gave up. Eventually I got stuck with husband incessantly arguing that, in the form of a fox, he should totally be able to use his whiskers to pick a lock, or that lunging at someone with a dagger shouldn’t cause a fight, or that “disguise self” should totally let him turn into a bear- and I am done. I just told them, I can’t do this. I’m sorry, if my expectations of what to provide as DM don’t match up with the game they were looking for, and I’m sorry to disappoint them all, but I can’t be endlessly fighting with the players about the already established rules over and over again- the same arguments, every week, with the same people who refuse to accept my authority. I told them that I loved weaving a story for them. I loved watching them fight their way through it and I loved seeing the ways they figured out how to keep themselves alive. I loved the side quests and the funny moments, but, honestly, I am clearly not the DM they want. I’m not even telling a story right now, I’m guiding an ongoing debate about the laws of the world they’re in, and whether or not you can see what’s in someone’s pockets from 25ft away. Whilst looking at card decks and playing Pokémon Go. I mean, seriously? The fact that I had to ask them not to is a fucking joke.

Husband had repeatedly stated he wants certain things to happen and I can’t make everyone happy, so I shall pass the remainder of the campaign over to him and he can finally be incharge and have the game he wants.

And I’m sad. I feel like they saw me as someone who throws a strop. They didn’t seem to understand that, for me, it’s about telling a story, not arguing that your movement is 30ft and no you can’t just double it. It’s not about killing their characters, it’s about challenging them and seeing them become fully fledged out, rather than meme spouting murder hobos who whine when assaulting and robbing townsfolk gets them in trouble, or the powerful weapon they hoped to find wasn’t there, or if they drank a potion they were explicitly told turns people into animals and was turned into a fox.

I don’t need advice. This is more of a tale of warning. If your players treat you like your world, your rules and your story don’t matter, if they argue every aspect because it’s not exactly what they want it to be, if they stop play to open up the handbook and tell people what needs to be done next, GET OUT. Run far, run fast. It’s not worth burning a friendship or a marriage over. Just let it go, and leave them to play the game they want to play, because you can’t reign them in.