*Let me hold you like a coffee.*

“Shit this is really hot…”

“This is too expensive to drop.”

*drops it*

“FUCK. Oh well, can’t be helped. Maybe I’ll go buy another one.”

*Buys another one*

“Mmm this is delicious.”

*Drinks half of it*

“Wait… where did I put my coffee??”

*Your coworkers offer you some of the shitty coffee at your workplace.*

*You refuse because you’ll never drink peasant coffee.* 🗿

You never find your original coffee. Someone probably threw it out. You try to continue working your job like nothing happened. It doesn’t work. You can’t ignore the pain and suffering caused by a lack of coffee.

You get started writing a manifesto. You have a big plan. Everyone will suffer for defying your love of coffee. You choose a date for the big event… one week later. One week from now you’ll show everyone what happens when you keep a person from their innermost desire.

*One week later*

You’ve become slightly less murderous due to Dunkin’ Donuts coffees from the gas station. They scratch the itch for a moment, but psychologically you’ve already transformed. You can’t subsist on gas station coffee.

You know you’re on the edge. You know you can’t continue living a normal life unless you get a taste of the good shit. Suddenly someone grabs your arm from behind. “Wha… what???” you gasp as you quickly spin round to meet the culprit.

“Let me hold you like a coffee,” he said.

All of your worries suddenly melt away. You’ve had to endure extensive periods of time in which you didn’t have access to quality caffeine, and yet…your savior was here.

You suddenly snap back to reality. You’re in line at Starbucks.

“Was it all just a dream?” you ask yourself. You feel a hand on your shoulder.

“Let me hold you like a coffee.”