Nobody forgets their first troll. I sure don’t. It feels like it was just yesterday, March 14th 2011, a Monday, when I was sitting at the back of Mr. Humphrey’s math class drawing rage comics on the back of my copy of the Communist Manifesto. A wee lad I was, but my brain was anything but wee. I was smart, and today of all days would prove it so. You see, I sat beside a boy named Jason Filmore who was constantly berated by his classmates for having no friends, being very dumb, having a small penis, being jewish, having dead parents cuz he’s gay, and also being gay. I wasn’t gonna have any of this, and I was determined to help a fellow gamer on his conquest to get to the final boss! Jason was crying under his desk when I whispered to him, “hello gamer”. The weeping stopped as his red face rose from his arms. His face turned bright “who…who was that?”. I answered his cries, “it is I my friend, a fellow gamer willing to help another. I am answering to your virgin cries and wish to lift you from your simp salvation”.

“Sniff….really?” He said with a glimmer of hope.

“NO” I answered. “When I meant gamer I meant GAYMER YOU FUCKIN VIRGIN SIMPLORD!”. Everybody in the class laughed as I took a photo of Jason’s parents and flashed in front of his face as a pushed my erect 12 incher right into the photo. The people laughed harder, but I wasn’t finished. I placed my cock on his cock just for him to get a massive fuckin simpsword cuz he’s gay as fuck for cock. The laughs only erupted more from his gayness.

“Say something mean about jewish people! Stupid-ass Jewson Filmore deserves it!”, a classmate interrupted. I spoke from the heart, “nay. I am above anti-semitism. Racism is for nerds.”

The laughter quickly turned into a 20 minute standing ovation. The girls in my class got so horny from my stance against racism that they started sucking me off. My straight prowess made Jason feel more insecure, which made him only sob more and more.

In the midst of my epic suck-off, Jason had the fuckin audacity to ask me, “why? Why do you do this? What makes a human being do this to someone?”

I lifted all the bitches’ heads off my Megatron with a smirk on my face, “le epic troll.”