Jamal Crawford gave me erectile dysfunction, that’s a pretty good reason to hate some one though.

Five or six years ago I was watching Hawks/Suns with a girl I was seeing. She’s beginning to get bored with it, so we start making out. She’s on top of me on the couch, kissing me with her back facing the TV because clearly she isn’t a true Suns fan(relationship ended, don’t worry). It’s the last minute or so of a really tight game and Phoenix is up two points, so I grab the remote and begin to pause the DVR so I don’t miss the end of it….just as Crawford drains a buzzer-beating three over Nash. I was stunned. I didn’t know how much of the game passed while we were messing around, and I look up to see him drain the game winner and the crowd go wild. I’m taken out of the moment instantly, and I start going soft while she’s still kissing my neck. I’m still trying to process what I just witnessed, which probably wasn’t the response a woman is looking for when she’s trying to ride you. A few explanations and hurt feelings later, we start going at it again, but now the only thing in my head is whether I’m going to embarrass myself again.

I embarrassed myself, again.

So yeah, that relationship never took off. I end up getting over it with the next one, but I really thought I’d keep psyching myself out and this would be a lasting problem.

That’s why I hate Crawford.