a cat wandered in when Lincoln was supposed to arrive. Many, who hadn’t seen Lincoln before but knowing that he had whiskers, assumed that Lincoln was in fact a cat. Ready to proceed, they allowed the cat to give the speech and that speech is what we now know as the Gettysburg Address. Records of Lincoln’s intended Gettysburg Address exist only in fragments but almost certainly started with “What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class…”