Harken! I implore you to lend thine ears to my manifestation of unobscured truth! I ascertain that there are only two happenstances that yield the following corollaries. It is my accolade to demonstrate to you each: that of a punctilious, precisely executed bludgeon or that of negligible, deplorable miss that induces an embarrassing predicament for you. One would presuppose that the probability of your mishap is dismal. However, upon further fastidious scrutiny, I discern that the feasibility of the latter outcome is conducive to induction. I’ve been apprised of the transpiration of your male confidant. It is with utmost, foremost conviction that I suppose that he doesn’t evince nor manifest any perceivable auguries of love. Now, at this particular juncture, I will emit a jarring and disquieting noise effectuated by contact of my Labius Inferius Oris upon my Labius Superius Oris. Due to the aforementioned lack of love and how thine male confidant is devoid of the conventional parameters of said love, it is with absolute utter certainty that I infer that your lover is bound to procure a new mistress. In conclusion, he will emit a noise analogous to that of a four-wheeled, torque-driven motion emanating from a vehicle’s axis. Terminally, he will execute a cataclysmic dab, which in modern context leads to vilification and decimation and utter devastation. He will promulgate said action in a manner accredited to a prominent modern phenomena, known under a myriad of sobriquets and cognomens. In particular, I will refer to him by the appellation of “Wiz Khalifa.”