Son, *you are done*! Do you think I don’t know your reddit account?

And what in God’s name did you say about me, you non-believer? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in Sunday School, and I’ve been involved in numerous volunteer missions during my youth, and I have over 300 confirmed prayers. I am trained in spreading the word of God and I’m the top tithe-bearer in the entire congregation. You are nothing to me but just another lost soul. I will pray for you with compassion the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my words. You think you can get away with sinning without consequence? Think again, Sinner. As we speak I am contacting my heavenly father who sees all; your life is being recorded so you better prepare for the afterlife, lost little lamb. The afterlife that will result in either eternal paradise or eternal torture. You’re not beyond saving, kid. God can be anywhere, anytime, and I can pray for you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s without my bible.. Not only am I extensively trained in performing communion, but I have access to the entire King James bible and I will use it to its full extent to wipe you clean of your sins, you misguided sinner. If only you could have known about the glory of God sooner, maybe you would have straightened your life out a long time ago. But you didn’t, and now you’re invited to pray with me, you lost child of God. I will love you with all of the grace of God until you are baptised in his purifying waters. You’re fucking saved, son.