So I’m just chilling in my baggie, being a powdered substance, rattling around in the purse of this thicc girl, and I don’t really know what’s going on at all. It’s dark as shit in there and I can only hear the odd muffled voice.

Anyway, I hear this chick and her friend arrive somewhere and stop driving, then a minute later they’re laughing hysterically, so I know some shits going down. I’m practically clumping together in excitement. Who’s nose am I going up? Please tell me I’m gonna be laid out on some smooth, flat, mirrored surface and insufflated through a crisp $100 bill. Oh boy.

There’s more rustling as I’m carried very slowly up what feels like hundreds of stairs, and finally I’m lay down on a soft surface, still in the purse.

“SAUCY LADLES!” I think I hear, or something like that. I absentmindedly take a glance to the left of me and notice through the plastic that there’s a few Cheetos in the thicc chicks purse. This makes me ponder life.

Suddenly I’m being ripped out of the purse by a pair of podgy hands. OH BOY am I excited.

Lay me on a table!

Spread me on a DVD case!

Line me up on a laser-disc!

I can’t wait fo-OH GOD JESUS NO!

Thicc lady is laying me out, onto the flaccid, tiny, smegma-stained chode of a man who looks like he’s made of more coke than I am, and not the sort you snort.

I can taste his essence, I am become smeg. Suddenly, two nostrils are heading towards me.

I pray for death. I pray to be taken into the nasal cavities of these two beached dolphins. But it is not to be.

For the sudden proximity of females to this “man’s” previously untrodden todger proves to be too much for him and he begins to swell gloriously in size, the sudden growth scattering me across the room and mixing me with the red cheesey dust that he calls a “carpet”. His once tiny flaccid member now stands at an impressive 3.6” inches, and I am alone and defeated.

“Is that Cheeto dust?” Wide friend asks.

“Yeh.” Erection Man replies.

“Awesome.” Wide says, and begins to suck the red mist from his chode. Moments later he spews thick rope after rope of pent-up semen into her mouth and shooting across the floor.

Most of it lands on me.

There is no roommate. No-one was telling the truth this day.

I am never seen again. Coke only in name. Cheeto-dust semen now, in chemical makeup.

Let us pray.