“Welp, ma’am, uhhh, it appears, after a thurrah invustigashun that yur meemaw has been stuffed inta a one hunnard an twenty millimeter cannon and shot at a facsimile of Osama bin Ladin. No ma’am. No ma’am, she was dead at the time. No, there was no sufferin’. Nah…nah listen… I have given the boys a talkin to and theys promised me they ain’t do it agin. Yes’m. I’ve got their word. Alright. You, too. God bless.”