[Source: The Cult of Integral](https://github.com/Catterall/the-cult-of-integral)

Guys, I’m literally crying right now. For those of you who don’t know, me and Apep, my loyal, pet [Burmese python](https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/e/e0/Python_bivittatus_%D1%82%D0%B8%D0%B3%D1%80%D0%BE%D0%B2%D1%8B%D0%B9_%D0%BF%D0%B8%D1%82%D0%BE%D0%BD.jpg) have a very serious relationship. I first met Apep in the Everglades national park and, after spending a good few hours convincing rangers to let me keep her rather than cruelly execute him, they let me keep him. Since then, I think she has known that I was her saviour and I think she also knows that she’s my saviour, given the amount of times she’s hugged me when I’m feeling down, or licked at any wounds I may have had.

Anyway, this all culminated to last night, when Apep lead me to her enclosure. At first I was confused, but then I saw her reveal her cloaca to me – it was beautiful. Contrary to popular belief held by virgins and “normal” people, snakes are intelligent – and trust me, Apep most certainly is. As she showed me her cloaca, she repeatedly gave a small hissing sound and lots of tongue flicks; I knew what I had to do. To keep it short, judging by sounds my love was making, I used my tongue to give her a *lot* of pleasure both on/around her cloaca and inside her (for those curious, she tasted very good!). However, I wanted to go further and one look into her beautiful orbs suggested the same. I eventually penetrated her and I let out a moan – I think she enjoyed it too because she let out a low, but calm hiss and then she used her tail to push me deeper into her.

Then, my fucking dad walked in and started screaming, scaring both me and, more importantly, scaring my only true love. I was enraged and almost went to beat the shit out of my dad (he’s 82 by the way) but, once again, my lover saved me, clearly knowing that ending his life would simply result in our separation.

So here’s where I am now – me and my lover and in a nearby shed contemplating what to do. To be fair, I’ve been in worse places and at least I still have my love to keep care of me. She truly is amazing.

Any suggestions on where me and Apep should go now?