Hello fellow trainers. Today I bought my first event ticket. I’m rather poor due to the pandemic making me quit my job so I haven’t really spent money on this game, but $1 for some special research event ticket on a day where I’m in bed suffering from period pains somehow seemed like a good idea.

#Quests and difficulty

The quests were ridiculously easy, if tedious. Catch a bunch of Pokémon, transfer them, evolve them, yadda yadda, very basic and boring. You don’t even need to leave your house to do it since the event gives you a 3 hour incense. Pokémon are ridiculously easy to catch, even the reward Pokémon, to the point where I grabbed my boyfriend’s erect penis and started catching them with the tip instead of with my finger. We did an excellent throw. The main issues were that evolving these Eeves never actually leads to anything good as they all evolve into the same type.

#Eeveolutions

See, when your fucking shitty ass neighbor decides to put a lure on the pokestop where you live, all your Eeves have a 100% guarantee to evolve into just that. Meaning that every single one of your Eeves will evolve into Glaceons against your will. Due to event “bonuses” these lures last for **3 hours**. Now you say, can’t I simply leave the pokestop and get other evolutions? That’s what I thought, so I took 400mg ibuprofen and 1000mg paracetamol, waited for the effect to kick in, then went outside. Guess what? I walked as far away as I could, far away from the ice-infected pokestop, but its effect was stuck to me like herpes. Left the neighborhood and still every fucking Eevee refused to evolve into anything but Glaceon. So fuck you asshole neighbor for putting up that lure and fuck Niantic, whose name I can barely type because my phone autocorrects it to animatic.

#Rewards

Disappointing rewards to say the least. You do get each different Eevee type as a reward at different points, but they are all <1300 cp and only a handful are 3-star. You get enough higher-cp 3-star Eeves from regular catching that you can evolve better ones without the ticket. You do get incense, but it’s pretty useless since the Eeves multiply like rabbits anyway and swarm around you like you’re a minor at a Discord mod party. The only good reward is the egg incubator, so if you do decide to buy a ticket, do so for the incubator.

Final verdict: 3/10