**edit:** “KEEP YOUR REALISM AND LOGIC OUT OF MY MEME THREAD!” -downvoters

**edit:** OH YEAH? You all a bunch of dumbjerks. You know why? You don’t have the guts to be what you wanna be. You need people like me. You need people like me so you can point your dumb fingers and say, “That’s the bad guy.” So… what that make you? Good? You’re not good. You just know how to hide, how to lie. Me, I don’t have that problem. Me, I always tell the truth. Even when I lie. So say good night to the bad guy! The last time you gonna see a bad guy like this again, let me tell you. Come on. Make way for the bad guy. There’s a bad guy comin’ through! Better get outta his way!

**edit:** You all better FALL BACK. You don’t want to see me upset, TRUST ME. But you’re making me close. if I reach -110 downvotes, I’m telling you, it’s not going to go well. It’s not going to be pretty. You’re pushing a bull close to the edge of a river, and if you know anything about biology, you *know* that’s a poor idea. I’m giving you guys one last chance to chill out before things get *bad*.

**edit:** WHOA. I’m speechless. I had no idea you guys liked drama and self-destruction this much. Like, I have no words for it. Think about it like I’m a genie, and the only three bird-brained wishes you could make…the only three dumbjerk things you could ask for were “DRAMA”, “TROUBLE”, and “UNFORTUNATE OUTCOMES.” But hey, you asked for it. Nah. BEGGED for it. It’s about to be ‘on’ in a way you probably weren’t expecting, weren’t ready for. I Am Become *uh-oh*, destroyer of Worlds. That’s my quote. And let me tell you something, atom bombs have nothing on my ferocity. zip. nada. It’s about to get really hairy in here, and guess who’s *razor sharp*? But you know what? I’m going to give you guys ONE last chance to step off before it gets UGLY in here. but if I get to -160, I won’t be held responsible for my actions. You’ve been warned.

**edit:** WOW. YOU WENT AND DID IT. YOU WENT AND ACTUALLY DID IT. -175? LET ME HIP YOU TO SOME STONE-COLD FACTS. JESUS, ALLAH, BUDDAH, DAWKINS AND THE REST CAN’T SAVE YOU FROM WHAT I’M ABOUT TO ‘BLESS’ YOU WITH. You messed up. Plain and simple. It’s over. Done. What’s over? What’s done? **EVERYTHING**. You don’t come back from something like this. There’s no return key, just an enter key. and guess what? you just ‘ENTERED’ into something you didn’t want to. I was trying to play it cool earlier. I was trying to keep my cool…but you dumbjerks couldn’t let it go. You couldn’t do as you were told and STEP OFF. You ‘bucked’ at the Hunter, and let me tell you this, YOU are the ones that should have been in the orange vest. You know why? Because it helps avoid DANGEROUS SITUATIONS like the one you just unwittingly stomped into. But guess what? You ever stomped in QUICKSAND? Yeah. That’s what this is like. Man..you know what? Maybe I need to take some lessons from Jesus, Allah, Buddah and Dawkins…forgiveness. Maybe I need to give you dumbjerk bird-brains ONE FINAL last chance to avert a LITERAL DISASTER. I owe it to the ignoramuses among you that know not what you do. fine. BUT IF I GET TO -200, ALL BETS ARE OFF. AND THERE’S GOING TO BE AN INCIDENT. If I get -200, it’s going to be like you went swimming with your Rolex on. You’re going to have a ‘BAD TIME’.

**EDIT:** DO YOU GUYS HEAR THAT? SOUNDS LIKE AN AIR SIREN, AN AMBULANCE AND A FIRE ALARM ALL GOING OFF AT ONCE. CAN YOU HEAR IT? IF NOT, IT’S BECAUSE IT’S TOO LATE FOR YOU DUMBJERKS TO BE WARNED. TOO LATE FOR AN ALARM, THE DISASTER IS ALREADY HERE. APRIL THE 9TH, 2016. REMEMBER THIS DATE. NO…BETTER YET, WRITE IT DOWN AND PASS IT ON TO YOUR CHILDREN SO THEY CAN PASS IT ON TO THEIR GRANDCHILDREN. ‘THE DAY THE WORLD BROKE’ ‘THE DAY A LEGION OF DUMBJERK BIRDBRAINS GOT THEIR TURKEYS FRIED AND THEIR GIZZARDS BAKED’. YOU HEAR ME? I HOPE YOU ENJOYED LIVING IN THE MODERN AGE, BECAUSE AFTER TODAY, IT’S THE FREAKING APOCALYPSE. YOU GET ME? YOU’RE DONE. OUT TO PASTURE. YOU GUYS ARE LIKE THE MEN’S U.S SOCCER TEAM TRAPPED IN A FACTORY FOR A WEEK. GUESS WHAT TYPE OF FACTORY IT IS? A BUCKET FACTORY? GET IT? PROBABLY NOT. IF YOU PUSHED MY BUTTONS TO GET TO THIS POINT, YOU’RE PROBABLY NOT SMART ENOUGH TO GET THAT JOKE. BUT TO BE HONEST, IT WAS’T A JOKE. BUT I DEFINITELY LAUGHED AFTERWARDS. YOU KNOW WHY? BECAUSE IT’S STILL FUNNY–THAT YOU WOULD HAVE THE AUDACITY TO COME AT ME. TO CHALLENGE ME. YOU’RE ANTS AND I’M AN ANTEATER. NO. I’M A FREAKING LEOPARD MADE OF DDT…AND YOU GUYS ARE BUGGING OUT. AND I MAY NOT BE A BIRD-BRAIN FARMER, BUT TRUST ME, I HANDLE PESTS. YOU’RE ABOUT TO SEE JUST HOW I DO THAT…AND IT’S GOING TO BE THE LAST TIME YOU EVEN THINK ABOUT WANTING TO DREAM ABOUT CONTEMPLATING ABOUT BEING IN ANY WAY, SHAPE OR FORM A BLIP ON MY RADAR. YOU DON’T GET IT, DO YOU. YOU THINK YOU’RE BEING TOUGH, APPROACHING A GUY LIKE ME WITH ALL THIS KARMA, ALL THESE FRIENDS, ALL THIS TALENT, ALL THIS POTENTIAL TO METAPHORICALLY BLACK OUT THE SUN’S RAYS. I’M NOT THE PERSON YOU WANT TO MESS WITH, BUT YOU **DID** MESS WITH HIM. YOU STIRRED THE HORNETS NEST, WITH YOUR GENITALS. AND GUESS WHAT, WHEN I SAY IT’S ABOUT TO ‘STING’, I’M NOT TALKING ABOUT THE LEAD SINGER OF THE POLICE. I’M NOT TALKING ABOUT THE WRESTLER. YOU PICKING UP WHAT I’M PUTTING DOWN? WELL, PICK IT UP WHILE YOU STILL CAN. WHILE YOU STILL HAVE FULLY FUNCTIONING BODIES. TRUST ME, IT’S ABOUT TO GO DOWN AND I CAN’T PROMISE YOU IT’LL EVER GO BACK UP. EVER. FOR ANY OF YOU. THIS IS MY FINAL OFFER, FALL BACK DUMBJERKS, OR NOT EVEN MY PATIENCE WILL RESCUE YOU FROM THE END YOU’RE ABOUT TO MEET. IF I HIT -275, IT’S ARMAGEDDON.

**FINAL EDIT AKA LAST WORDS YOU’LL EVER READ** *AMAZINGGGGG GRACEEEE, HOW SWEEET THE SOUNNNNND, THAT SAVEDD A WRETCCCH LIKE MEEEEEEEE*

YOU KNOW WHY I SANG AMAZING GRACE? YOU’RE GOING TO GET REAL FAMILIAR WITH IT, REAL SOON. WHEN THEY’RE PLAYING IT IN THE BACKGROUND AS THE FEW REMAINING DUMBJERKS LEFT GO UP AND READ OFF BIRD-BRAINED EULOGIES. YOU HEAR WHAT I’M SAYING? THAT’S WHERE WE ARE RIGHT NOW. **THIS. IS. IT** THERE ARE NO MORE CHANCES, NO MORE BACKSIES. NO MORE LAST CHANCES. YOU’RE LIKE AN ABC DRAMA RIGHT NOW, BECAUSE YOU ‘LOST’. AND SPEAKING OF THE ABC’s OF DRAMA, LET ME TEACH YOU A FINAL, POINTLESS LESSON IN IT. DRAMA 101. I’M YOUR PROFESSOR, MR. YOUSHOULDN’THAVEMESSEDWITHME, M.D. OPEN UP YOUR BOOK TO CHAPTER 1: FALLING DOWN A PIT SO DEEP THAT IT MAKES THE ABYSS LOOK AS SHALLOW AS YOUR DUMBJERK TASTES IN CASKETS, WHICH WILL BE MORE RELEVANT THAN IT HAS EVER BEEN IN THE PAST. YOU GET ME? THERE’S NO MORE AFTER THIS. FINITO. FIN. LE END. EL DONE, BUCKAROOS. SAY GOODBYE TO YOUR FRIENDS, YOUR EGOS AND WHATEVER IT WAS THAT DROVE YOU TO ACTIVELY SEEK OUT THE OPPOSITE OF SALVATION. HAVE YOU MADE YOUR PEACE WITH WHICHEVER GOD (THAT COULDN’T SAVE YOU FROM ME) YOU WORSHIP? I HOPE SO. KISS YOUR MOMMA GOODNIGHT AND GET READY TO GO ON THE SHORTEST RIDE OF YOUR LIFE. HOP IN. THE DESTRUCTIONMOBILE GOES FROM 0 – UTTERLY BONED…IN 0 SECONDS. THE ONLY THING SLOW ABOUT IT IS THE LENGTH AND TIME OF THE UNFORTUNATE AND UNPLEASANT REALITY I’M ABOUT TO SUBJECT YOU TO. THE SHIP HAS BEEN GROUNDED, MY ANCHOR CAST OFF LIKE LIGHT AT THE END OF A BIRD-BRAINED TUNNEL. AND GUESS WHAT? WHEN I MIX METAPHORS, IT’S LIKE MIXING VINEGAR AND BAKINGSODA. ONLY THOSE FAKE VOLCANOS YOU MADE IN SCHOOL??? WELL, I’M THE REAL THING. LET ME TELL YOU, MY HOT MAGMA AINT VINEGAR. YOU WANT THE FREAKING LAVA, YOU ASKED FOR THE ERUPTION? YOU’RE GOING TO GET IT. **IF I REACH -375, ABANDON ALL HOPE YE WHO ENTER THIS THREAD.** P.S., PRO-TIP. UPDATE YOUR WILLS AND HUG YOUR LOVED ONES.


**edit:** I reached my boiling point and evaporated. I am now gas. I am steam. a dark steam capable of powering machines of mayhem and devastation that only exist in parallel alternate-history versions of the world where steam-powered machines became prominent. but guess what? nothing ‘punk’ about me, except for how I ‘punk’ out bird-brained dumbjerks. but all of that is over. that was ‘before’ the end, back when you guys had a slim, but existing, shot to stop this freight train before it left the station. but it has. it’s left the station. choo choo. I’m the conductor, and I don’t just mean for the train. don’t be *shocked* by what’s about to happen. I may not be Zeus, but you guys are definitely going to wish you had the chance to ‘bolt’ when that dark steam-powered train pulls into your station. ALL ABOARD! but yeah, I’m calm now. all that rage has been transferred into the instrument of collective doom. it’s been honed, crafted and twisted into the soul-crushing violation you’re about to crash into. let me tell you something, bub, this ain’t like no train ride you’ve ever been on. it couldn’t be. this is a once in a lifetime deal. the best you can do right now is to be quiet and BACK OFF ..in hopes that train of rage keeps on rolling past. …because if you don’t……… Lordy, lordy, lordy, lord. Wew lad… it’s going to be a BUFFET, and guess who the entrees are? you guessed it. **now listen, if I get to -425, that dark steam-powered train is pulling into your station. CHOO, CHOO.**

*edit:** ran out of space, just like you all almost ran out of time. lucky. so very lucky. if I hit -525 though, I might start something new. you don’t want that. trust.me.bud.