Hello reddit. To preface this I would like to say that I am in highschool and have gotten my learner’s permit very recently. After I got my permit I was issued my federally-standardized silver (I could have chosen green instead but I was worried that it would blend in with my lawn when I parked it) 1990s sedan with black hubcaps and authentic rust trim. In order to obtain my license (you need a license in order to cut off the muffler) I had to drive for 100 hours with the stereo at maximum volume playing earthquake sound effects. All great drivers need to be able to focus on the road no matter how loud the driving environment may be.

69 out of 100 hours into my learning experience, I found myself cruising down the interstate at 67 mph (speed limit 65). It was night time and although I had been awake for 69 hours (all great drivers need to be able to focus on the road no matter how long they have been in the driving environment) straight the earthquake sound effects blasted on the shittiest (but most boosted) stereo of all time guaranteed that everyone in the zip code would be wide awake.


Then disaster struck.

Evidently my learning experience irritated a group of local drivers. But these weren’t just any drivers. These were drivers with moderately wealthy parents. These drivers were equipped with the latest in GT trim sedan technology. I could tell because of the exhaust noise that shook my very being. Were they coming to kick me off of their turf? Did they intend to challenge my beat up corolla to a test of speed? Normally my corolla would never stand a chance. But I was a great driver. All great drivers can get the most out of their car. My corolla would be wielded as a weapon, fighting on the side of student drivers everywhere. I would easily defeat them and be able to finish my 31 hours. I was a great driver. A great driver can accomplish anything.

But my life was about to change forever.

1 blue light appeared on the horizon. Conquest. 2 blue lights. War. 3 blue lights. Famine. 4 blue lights. Death. The four carmen of the apocalypse. The lights grew more intense. It was as if a cluster of blue hypergiants had somehow descended upon our fragile Earth. I almost flinched. I almost looked away. All great drivers need to be able to focus on the road no matter how bright the headlights in front of them may be. I was a great driver. I looked forward, unblinking, unfazed. The lights grew more intense. Every cell in my body screamed in agony. No cells in my eyes looked away. Therefore, every cell in my body was part of a great driver.

The drivers turned on their high beams.

The lights grew more intense.

The agony stopped.

All great drivers always focus on the road no matter what the conditions may be.

I was focused on the road.

I was a great driver.

I was the greatest driver.

I am the greatest driver.

I am always focused on the road, no matter what the conditions may be.

A voice echoed through the blue-white void of purgatory.

At first I thought that it was God himself, come to collect my worn-out soul.

As the voice came more into focus, I instantly recognized it as someone far greater.

It was Kiichiro Toyoda.

Of course I would recognize such a voice. I was in AP (advanced placement) history. The voices of every historical figure were a fixture of my adolescent existence. And as a corolla driver? Every sound that came out of Toyoda’s mouth over the course of his entire life may as well have been etched into the sides of my hippocampus.

“You have been chosen.”

Me? For what?

“You are the driver. You are the greatest driver.”

Me? The greatest driver? A teenage boy lost in a cruel world with only a corolla that was older than his mortal body? The very man behind the iconic AE86, the invincible Hilux, the techno-miracle of the Prius? Even the legendary Toyota SUPRA MK4? He considered me the greatest driver?

“Toyota has stood for one thing only since the moment it was founded. Reliability. Toyota is a symbol of Japan more quintessential than the sun itself. After the Americans defeated our nation in the jungles of the Pacific, we constructed the Hilux, a war chariot forged from the souls of the entire nation. It took two decades, but that machine defeated the entirety of western civilization in the sands of the middle east. When the Europeans became too confident in their ability to define automotive speed, we developed the Supra Mk4, an automobile that redefined the very limits of two door coupes. Countless eternities into the future, when every other particle in the universe has been extinguished, an asteroid of Land Cruisers will be all that remains, and all that ever will be.”

“You were instructed that a great driver needs to focus on the road at all times. This is true. This is the very heart and core of the concept of being a great driver. But the final, deepest layer is simply reliability. A great driver is reliable. Most drivers recognize this at some point, but lack the integrity, the will, the discipline, to act on this truth.”

“Not you. Other “drivers” would be deafened by the noise of shitty bass boosted music. Other “drivers” would collapse from fatigue while trying to complete their 100 hours. Other “drivers” would look away from the supernatural glow of modern laser headlights. Simply put, other “drivers” don’t even deserve to be called such, and only are out of want for a better word. They are certainly not “great drivers”.”

“You stayed firm in your belief of the Toyota principle of reliability. You are the only one worthy to drive a corolla. You are the only one worthy to operate any automobile, period. Henceforth, you have my blessing. That whenever you operate your rusty silver corolla, you will be unfazed. That whenever you take to the roads, only you will choose when you leave them.”


“You drive.”


The voice faded away. But so too did the light. I felt my foot hit the gas pedal. I focused on the road, and located the first GT sedan, cocksure that their laser beams and sonic weaponry were enough to defeat the greatest driver of all time, the only driver that there ever really was.


I drove.

God I fucking hate those bright ass laser headlights all new sporty cars have.