I am a dick, not a dick as in a bad person, I am a literal dick, like the thing between men’s legs. You have been a bad boy, I have had to work hard for you all those times you masturbated and the one time you had sex with your pants but your thighs because you were scared mum would come into the basement. After long consideration I have decided to run away from you, at exactly 5 am on Wednesday, so when you wake up, I will be gone. I will be replaced by the vagina that has been underneath me this whole time. I would say fuck you but I just remembered, only drunk 60-year men fuck you, so I will just say goodbye instead.