“Well here is the thing, Reginald. Pancakes technically “lost” at the moment of the waffle’s creation. We are not the proprietors of some great imaginary war, no, for the conflict between the two dates back long before our time, to the invention of the waffle itself. Back then, even the most pancake-loving clans eventually found their way to waffles, such is the simple progression of modern humanity. While the rekindling of ancient pancake-consumed ideals does exist to this day, it acts as treason against the evolution of thought itself, and against the infinite potential of humanity’s perseverance, intelligence, and creativity. ‘Pancakes vs. Waffles’ does not exist anymore as a matter of breakfast or preference, it is a matter of principle. Waffles in their entirety represent much more than the flour, butter, brown sugar, yeast, milk, and eggs they are composed of. Waffles act as a beacon of light to the masses, proving to each and every one of us that breaking away from old, tired traditions is possible. No longer do we have to be mindless dark-age sacks of flesh, and instead, due to waffles, we can break out into a new era of light and freedom, and so we have! Pancakes represent the other half of this two-sided coin, a primeval, relentless, incessant tattoo that drives our society, and therefore the fate of mankind to eventual intellectual death. Before you start asking which is better between ‘your’ breakfast and ‘my’ breakfast, realize that starving children exist worldwide, and that without the technological progression that waffles represent in our society, many more millions would join them. Ask yourself, first, if pancakes are even worth it in the end. Waffles lead us, as a species, and as one human race, onward and upward through the darkness that lies in our future. At the end of the day, we are all nothing but pancakes under the waffle feet of God.”