Now, I remember back in ’12 (fuck I’m old) when I bought FIFA 12 from Gamestop for $60. It was a very good deal in fact– some payed upwards of $65! Crazy, right?! But since I am the wise buyer I am, I had it at $60.

So I get home, pop in the old disk, and begin playing. Looks like there’s an update. Probably a ‘patch’ considering it’s 12 GB. Normal.

So I turn on my Retina MacBook Pro which is obviously the best PC around, and message my friend telling him of my amazing deal. He calls me a ‘tard’ (whatever that is) and says he got it for ‘practically free’ from Steam.

 

Now, I know when he says ‘practically free’, he means free. And this Steam… I haven’t yet looked at it because I don’t want the FBI knocking on my door ’cause they think I’m a pirate, but I assume it’s ‘The Pirate Bay’ in disguise.

I did but search Bing for it, and found that it’s made by some fat neckbeard who lives in his basement, Gabe Newell. At least, I only know he’s fat. The basement part is an assumption. He’s part of some hacker group like Anononomousse who hack stuff, called Valve.

 

So Valve, why do you keep this pirate website up? As I speak now, Activision is working *incredibly* hard on the next Call of Duty, and you’re not helping them by facilitating piracy.