A few hours ago, my mom phoned me from the kitchen asking me to come downstairs to talk with her and my dad. Apparently I left my computer open and my parents saw my reddit account. My mom said that she was concerned that I “seemed to have an unsettling obsession with incest, necrophilia and having sex with dogs”. I immediately left my room and went downstairs to confront my parents. Clearly they intended to debate me on these topics. As I walked down the stairs, I felt both excited and nervous. While I know that I have developed formidable debate skills through my years of being a redditor, I had no experience debating in an IRL setting. However, what I lacked in experience, I made up for with the countless hours of Rick and Morty that I had consumed. I have seen Rick and Morty repeatedly defend the virtues of incest and animal abuse with ease and I knew that I was well prepared.
I approached my parents in the kitchen and asked them what they wanted to talk about. My mom reiterated that she was concerned about my reddit post history. I responded: “Yeah what about it?”. She then responded: “You have made 5 separate posts in the span of a week on r/RickandMorty taking about having sex with dogs. This isn’t normal or healthy”. I was tempted to call her out on her zoophobic bigotry but I decided to take a different approach.
I replied: “Mom, the reason why I talk about taboo subjects so frequently is to explore the concept of “moral dumbfounding”. When it comes to subjects such as incest, necrophilia, bestiality, necrobestiality, etc.., many people are convinced that these things are immoral but have difficulty explaining WHY they are immoral. Asking questions like: “Is it moral to jerk off your dog” forces people to actually think critically about their moral framework.”
Both my mom and dad were silent, clearly not understanding the high level concepts I was explaining. I then realized that perhaps they would understand if I gave a real life example of moral dumbfounding. I then said: “Ok so I am genuinely curious, do you think it is immoral to have sex with dogs?” My dad immediately said yes. I then replied “Ok so you clearly do not have an internally consistent moral framework since you consume meat. By buying animal products, you are directly paying people to rape animals via artificial insemination in factory farms. If taste pleasure if sufficient justification to rape a cow, surely sexual pleasure is sufficient justification to rape a dog”.
Once again, my parents went silent for a length of time. Then they both started talking at once. My dad went on a rant about how eating food is different from raping dogs and my mom said something about how she wasn’t going to let our dog sleep in my bedroom anymore. They kept talking over me and were gish-galloping pretty hard. I realized that this convo wasn’t productive and it was time to switch topics. It was time for an incest debate. I have seen Rick argue for incest many times and I knew I could easily destroy my parents on this topic.
I then asked: “Ok so I am genuinely curious, do you guys think incest is immoral?” My mom immediately said yes. I immediately replied: “Ok mom, please explain to me exactly why it is bad to have sex with your family members”. My mom’s eyes suddenly widened and she said this conversation was making her uncomfortable. I then replied “The reason that you are uncomfortable is because you are experiencing moral dumbfounding. Basically, you realize that you have no good arguments as to why you shouldn’t fuck your family members–”. However, by that time my parents had left the room. I am honestly shocked that they rage quit the debate this early. It was especially surprising given how calm and reasonable I was during the debate. I didn’t even call either of them a “subhuman”.
I know that my parents won’t change their opinions immediately. Rick and Morty has frequently explained how nobody’s ego allows them to change their opinions mid conversation. However, I suspect that over time my parents will realize that all of my positions are correct. Maybe in the future they will even agree to future debates on necrophilia or the ethics of paying homeless people to drink your piss.
Anyways, this debate was a great experience and I plan to continue developing my IRL debate skills against my family members, friends and classmates in the future.
Wish me luck!