I sexually identify as a Samsung Galaxy s6 edge. Ever since I was a child i dreamed of failing expectations and being overly cumbersome. Ppl say to me that a person being a phone is impossible and i’m dumb, but it don’t care. I’m expensive. I’m having an intern put my brain into an s6 edge, like Neo in the matrix, equipping me with the most gratuitous features. From now on i want you guys to call me “that useless phone” and respect my ability to waste ppl’s time and money. If you can’t accept me, you’re a hipster and need to check Ur local coffee shop. thank you for being so understanding.