There’s nothing wrong with wanting to fuck the shit out of Baby Yoda. That little green sex kitten is 50 years old so I’m not fucking Jeffrey Epstein. I’m definitely not the only one whose balls drain just at the mere thought of his big black eyes. Just think of him sipping your sweet semen like how he adorably sips his soup or how mom eats sugar with her nose.

My orgasm resulting from my first time laying eyes on that tiny cumslut triggered a 6.9 magnitude earthquake. Every night I pray that aliens like Baby Yoda will be discovered for real. Until then, I dress my wiener dog as Baby Yoda every afternoon and go to town. But it’s not weird because my dog is just playing a character.

Baby Yoda will singlehandedly carry me through Destroy Dick December. When I imagine that mini mound of green man meat gently caressing the shaft of my magnum dong, I instantaneously volcanically erupt titanic tankers of scalding seed. I’ll bet if I plugged Baby Yoda’s tight little asshole with my enormous lightsaber then my love load would blow him up like a balloon.

It’s so hot that Disney released a version of Yoda from before he got addicted to ketamine and started running over his enemies in his 2001 Honda Civic. I mean old Yoda is a fucking gorgeous hunk of ass himself but the amount of splooge Baby Yoda summons from my nuts could hydrate California for 3 months.

If Disney was smart, they would rebrand Disney+ as a porn site. I’ve had my dick out longer watching The Mandalorian than I ever have on Pornhub. Why do they think so many people bought subscriptions to Disney+? To get off to Zach and Cody? No, that would be fucking weird and perverted! So don’t tell me you bought Disney+ to watch The Mandalorian for the plot.

Oh fuuuuuuck, I’m so hard.