Obligatory “this happened a few years ago”: I used to work at an ice cream shop.

   One day we got a giant order of ice cream from our source, and I had to unpack all of the ice cream containers from big cardboard boxes and store them in our drop-in freezer. Sounds easy enough, but the freezer was upstairs, which meant carrying hundreds of pounds of ice cream little by little up an extremely narrow stairwell, unpacking them, and then storing them before they froze. The whole process always really stressed me out, especially since I was the only one working and I still had to serve customers if they came in.

 So I did all the things, and after my last box of ice cream was packed, I grabbed the door of the drop down freezer and triumphantly threw it shut; the problem was, in my moment of triumph, I happened to thrust my pelvis forward, placing my penis straight in between the door and the freezer like a fucking Guillotine. The door smashed on the tip of my wiener so hard that the door bounced back open about halfway, and I fell to the ground in agony.

 I laid there in the fetal position all alone. Alone on the floor of a storage room, in the upstairs of an ice cream shop in Michigan in February with a hurt penis and no one to blame but myself.

 TL;DR: I had to unpack ice cream for my job at the ice cream store and when I was done I triumphantly and unintentionally shut the door on my Johnson