I don’t know how Icelandics and the Polish can slide their asses when they say words that have 18 letters and 3 of them are vowels. Speaking of languages, how the fuck do Germans know how to speak German. I have a riddle; what does English and German have in common? Not even the native speakers know how to speak it. Speaking of English, The UK sucks. Go to the UK, they said, it will be fun, they said. I require an apology with the fucking weather. This stale ass bread with a dry ass sausage and a scoop of beans is what the British “people” call breakfast.

Let’s go back to the nordics. Norway, Sweden, Denmark and Finland are way too overpriced. Youre telling me that a fucking chocolate bar is $10? How the fuck do you afford anything? And don’t even get me started on the French. Those narcissistic, hairy-ass, frog-leg-eating 6-weekers. The Netherlands is a hot mess; what were they on when they decided that the natives and the language are “Dutch”? Did they have a frog in their throat? Some of the words sound like they did. Who the hell knows what Vatican City, San Marino, Monaco, Malta, Andorra, Liechtenstein, and Luxembourg are. The countries are smaller than my dick. If the Iberian Peninsula was one country, I’d bet you that the country would be Spain. Portugal is just a bootleg Spain and you can’t tell me otherwise.

The Balkans are so forgettable, besides Serbia. I don’t blame you if you don’t know a single Balkan. Who remembers North Macedonia, Kosovo, Bosnia and Herzegovina, Croatia, Slovenia, and Montenegro. Albanians have the WORST taste in everything from cars to shopping. If you’re Greek, you pride yourself on the dumbest shit imaginable. “There are 2 kinds of people. Greeks and people who wish they where Greek.” I would make a joke about Ukraine, but, well you know. Belarus on the other hand is just Russia. Those bear-riding, vodka-drinking, citizens.
Bulgaria has a lot. It’s either poor, cold, horny, or a mix of the three. People say Romanians are vampires. My friend named Count Dracula is from Romania and he told me that in his 700 years of living, he has never seen a single vampire, neither has his 5 wives.

Italians do too much hand movement when they talk. Also, Mario. I like to reenact Mario by taking some mushrooms and going into to the sewers, stomping on turtles and shit. Maybe rescuing a princess and she’ll let me see half a boobie. I went to Ireland, I couldn’t go a single block without seeing a drunkard. Belgium is overrated with chocolate and french fries and waffles. Let’s go back to the Germans, they are the same thing as Austrians as is Portuguese are with Spanish. Czechs and Slovaks are sluts, that’s all I have to say. The Baltics are too tech-savvy and never go outside, especially Estonia. Hungarian is also apparently very confusing, like more than Polish some say.

And finally, fuck Switzerland. I forgot about the most forgettable country, Moldova.