https://archiveofourown.org/works/31958620/chapters/79149634
Homophobia!
Sexism!
Racism!
Zealotry!
My token black friend used to tell me stories about the Xbox Lobby, a time of peace when the Hacker Known As 4chan kept balance between the Hombia Zonea, Sexism Schism, Racism Nation, and Zealotry Geolatry.
But that all changed when the Racism Nation doxxed.
Only the Hacker Known As 4chan, master of all four Prejudices.
Only he could stop the racist genderbenders. But when Ubisoft needed him most, he vanished.
A hundred years have passed and the Racism Nation is nearing victory in the War.
Two years ago, my father and the admins of my lobby journeyed to the Hombia Zonea to help fight against the Racism Nation, leaving me and my brother to look after our server.
Some people believe that the Hacker Known As 4chan was never reborn into the Zealotry Nomads, and that the cycle is broken.
But I haven’t lost hope. I still believe that somehow, the Hacker Known As 4chan will return to save the Playerbase.
Book 1: Hombia Zonea
Chapter 1: Milo Yiannopoulos
“You wanna know how I got these scars?”
Steven buries his fabulous nails deep inside a man’s eyelids.
“My father was… An Ancap… And a Gamer.
And one night he acts cringier than usual.
Pearl takes away the ps4 because he’s being racist.
He doesn’t like that….
Not.
One.
Bit.
So… Me watching, he roundhouse kicks her, laughing while he does it…
He turns to me, says:
Why so liberal?!
Comes at me with a phone:
Why so cringey!?
Sticks a phone in my face:
Let’s put you on Reddit…
And…
Nig-“
Steven Universe twists and Barack Obama’s neck was on the ground. Bleeding, flooding blood trails that wet the pavements.
Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton and Jeb Bush Lies horrified as they’re being force to kneel before the Hacker Known As 4chan.
“Now!” Steven picks up a pride flag and rips off the linen before letting his knee break the pole into two.
He throws it onto the ground, wearing the pride flag as a tie, he motions:
“Our multiplayer campaign is small, but, there is a lot of potential for Agressive expansion… So!” Steven points to the snapped pool stick: “Which of you fine gamers would like to join our gangweed clan!?
Oh!
There’s only one spot open so we’re gonna have… Tryouts…Cum fast.”
Their eyes widens as Steven snaps his fingers. The gems follow him while Pete Buttigieg and Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez stays behind.
Before entering his government appointed femboy based AC-130, he touts:
“Remembers, no Republicans…”
The Plane flies and shits dusts into everyone’s faces below as it blasts the all so familiar fortnite music.
The cities are filled with billboards and flashing lights while rainbow flags hang from every one of its concrete orifices.
Steven looks down on the Hombia Zonea, sighing:
“Look at how they massacre my gaming experience, Amethyst. Whenever Pride month starts, these stupid corporations and fakeass mods pretend to care about us.”
Amethyst wears a burka, as she turns her fatass to face Steven, she asks:
“How can we change this, Sheik Steven? Its impossible. Ever since the day I was born, Mecca has always been like this. There’s no end that I can tell to this cringe inducing epoch.”
“You either die a muslim or you live long enough to become a furry. We can end this Amethyst, how did you think spongebob managed to get a luxurious pinapple as a house?”
“Through Jihad of course!”
“Indeed, Amethyst, we just need Allah’s blessing to get through this Anal Jihad.”
Prophet Steven “Mussolini” Universe departs to the horizons, along with his squad to Tilted Towers.
As the plane flies, on the ground, a team of Palestinians embark towards a Jewish bank.
https://archiveofourown.org/works/31958620/chapters/79151758#workskin
Book 1: Hombia Zonea
Chapter 2: In The Name “Boys Scouts”
Oof!
On top of Bernie Madoff’s Bank, a glass window shatters to reveal a group of Palestinians insurgents.
On a street down below, a man holds a payday 2 face mask that resembles Kamala Harris.
An armored car shrieks and the Gypsy Crusader Fanboy gets in.
Clicks, the sound of metal rings as they prepare arms.
While the crew on the roof swings on the lines with the exaggerated swaggers of an African teen, one of the three Hamas soldiers says:
Richard Spencer: “Three of a kind, let’s do this.”
Tom Metzger: “That’s it? Three nazies?”
Richard Spencer: “Two fascists on the roof, every gamer gets a victory royale, five lootboxes is plenty.”
Tom Metzger: “Six lootboxes, don’t forget the newfag who planned the job.”
Richard Spencer: “He thinks he can camp it out and still get a victory royale.”
Tom Metzger: “I know why they called him The Jew.”
[On The Roof]
Don Black: “So why do they do they called him The Jew?”
Devon Arthurs: “I heard he wears whiteface.”
Don Black: “Whiteface?”
Devon Arthurs: “You know? Like blackface, to scare people, like, black people.”
[On The Ground]
The three epic gamers get out of their car, holding guns. One of them fires rapidly in the air, shocking the customers.
David Duke: The bank manager, sitting out of sight, looks around in confusion.
Richard Spencer: “All right, everybody, hands up, heads down! I said, hands up, heads down!”
Pulling one of the Epic Games employees over the desk, he has the Samsung Virtual Assistance polish his gamer tag.
Richard Spencer: “Let’s go, pal, I’m making a fortnite burger here!”
Running to another EA employee, he screeches while unloading 7 shots into the painting of Netanyahu on the ceiling.
Richard Spencer: “I said, hands up!”
[On The Roof]
Don Black is rewiring cables, trying to disconnect its security system. Devon Arthurs stands right behind him with a giant erection.
Don Black: “Here comes the reddit mods. And there it goes…
Funny, it didn’t report to the admin. It was messaging a 4chan user.”
Devon Arthurs: “Were they a problem?”
Don Black: “No, I’m done here.”
Devon Arthurs commits Anal Jihad on Don Black and he dies due to an overdose of faggotry.
Devon Arthurs grabs his equipment and have his fatass runs down 40 plights of stairs.
[In The Bank]
“Guys, the thermal drill, go get it!” -Quoth The Server.
Devon Arthurs holds up a mechanical drill, locking it onto the metal door and activate.
Zap!
Like a badtub with a toaster, his ass was blown to bits after the door shocks him.
While all of this is going on, Tom Metzger pistol whips a hostage. And due to Payday 2 mechanics, several points were deducted off the entire team’s score.
Richard Spencer: “Yooo what the fuck!?”
They both fail to notice David Duke slowly turns around.
Boom!
The glass shatters and David Duke struts fashionably with a sawed off shotgun.
Richard Spencer skits over the floor, hiding behind a counter with Kamala Harris’ impersonator, while their adversary walks towards them, firing round after round, grunting:
David Duke: “You have any idea who you’re stealing from?! You and your friends are banned!”
[Behind The Counter]
Richard Spencer: “He’s out, right?”
Kamala Harris nods and Spencer was bambozzled after he tries to poke his head out, almost getting shot by David Duke’s “Bad Dragon”.
Kamala Harris pokes their head out and David Duke aims but the trigger only shout out a loud and awkward (Click). Utilizing this chance, Kamala runs shout and shoot Duke in the shoulder, knocking him down.
Richard Spencer: “Where did you learn to count!”
Spencer screams after realizing that he was being used as a dummy test.
Richard spins his body around and run like a starving african kid into the vault to join up with Devon Arthurs.
Devon Arthurs: “They wired this thing up with like five thousand volts. What kind of bank does that?”
Richard Spencer: “Jewish Bank, I guess The Jews are as crazy as they say. Where’s the alarm guy?”
Devon Arthurs: “Hacker told me when the guy was done, I should fuck his ass. One less lootbox, right?”
Richard Spencer: “Based, he also told me something similar.”
Devon Arthurs: “He what? Wait! No! N-“
Richard Spencer: (Unzips Pants)
[Outside The Safe]
Spencer fixes his uniform after loading the bags with as much vbucks as he can. Flicking his ahoge afterwards like a bad boy as he approaches Kamala Harris:
“That’s a lot of vbucks. If this Jewish guy was so smart, he’d have had us bring a bigger car.”
(Gun cocks)
Kamala Harris turns to meet Richard Spencer’s at gunpoint.
Richard Spencer: “I’m betting the Jew told you to kill me soon as we loaded the cash.”
Kamala Harris reveals a strangely masculine sounding voice:
“No, no, no, no, I killed the Iron Dome Defense System.”
Richard Spencer: “Iron Dome? What are you? A fucking Je-“
The missiles break through the front doors of the Bank and eviscerate Richard Spencer into a fine red mist, knocking Kamala Harris far back also.
An IDF armored vehicle then knocks down the other walls and rush in, revealing Netanyahu: The Prime Minister of Israel.
Benjamin Netanyahu: “School’s out. Time to go. (looking at the splattered mists of Spencer) That guy’s not getting up, is he?”
Kamala throws the vbuck infused bags into Ben’s arms and they load the vehicle together.
After settling all of the fortnite seasonal passes, Netanyahu Benjamin wipes the brows off his forehead as he inquires:
“What happens to the rest of the guys?”
Kamala Harris unloads an entire magazine from their Uzi into him.
After securing their victory royale, Kanala Harris walks over to the Truck while David Duke: The bank manager, severly injured but alive, tries to get their attention.
David Duke: “Reichsführer-SS Heinrich Himmler once said that ‘Honor Is My Glory’ and looking back at it now I think it’s fucking hilarious.”
Kamala turns back. Duke knows that he’s got their attention, so he smiles and continue.
Behind his back, Duke unsheathes a blade with the words “Meine Ehre heisst Treue.” engraved on it.
David Duke: “You see, you libtards always talk about how terrible we white supremacists are… And yet… Here you are, betraying your own allies.”
Kamala inches nearer.
David Duke: “You think you’re smart, huh? (coughs) The guy that hired youe… He’ll just do the same to you… Oh Neo Nazies at least believes in certain codes of conduct like Honor, Loyalty and Respect!”
Kamala Harris arrives in the red zone, Duke’s hands starts to shake with anticipation.
David Duke: “Look at you, what do you believe in huh? What do you believe in!?”
Kamala finally arrives and David strikes.
His blade was an inch from Kamala’s eyes when he realized that Harris had caught him lacking.
Kamala Harris twists and crushes David Duke’s wrists and he screams while dropping his dagger onto the cold floor.
Pulling a smoke grenade out of their ass, Kamala Harris puts all six;inches of it down his throat while putting on a raspy voice.
Kamala: I believe… That… Whatever doesn’t bless you simply makes you…”
Ben Shapiro: “A Faggot.”
Ben Shapiro pulls off his face masks and David Duke has an aneurysm trying to figure out exactly what the fuck had just happened.
Ben giggles like Epstein’s favorite girlfriend before galloping onto the trucks.
Meanwhile: David Duke was just stunted, he didn’t even mind the line of ass hair that was hooked to the grenade in his mouth.
Ben Shapiro shuts the door and drives away, the ass hair then pulls off the pin under extreme tension.
David Duke closes a his eyes and prays to Hitler for the worst.
But nothing happened, instead, fart gasses then shits from the top of the grenade.
“Ohhh For fucks sake.”
David utters his last words before succumbming to the fart clouds.
“It truly is what they say… In this world, you either are a smart fella or a fart smella.”
And David Duke resigns solemnly, knowing that he was the latter.
End Of Chapter 2: <In The Name “Boy Scouts”>