This game…..is……..ridiculous. You play as \*Insert name here\* the \*dog cat wolf bear\* as \*he she it\* tries to get \*their zeer zir\* spaceship back. You have to use your slingshot to take out the various creatures from pigs minding their own business to intergalatic space anteaters(?). Okay….you start at a randomly generated position and you have to follow the indicated arrow to your destination. Along the way you may pick up Polykoins which allow you purchase various things from upgrades to outfits. This is probably the BEST part of the entire game but, I assure you, that doesn’t say much. I have 1.1 hours of total playtime which was spent on the tutorial and the first stage. After grinding to pick up my first upgrade, the jump increase and noticing no difference, I can safely say that I’ve seen everything that I need to see.


Accuse me of being mean all you want, I don’t care. We’ll get to that when we get to that. First question: Whom is this game supposed to be marketed to? Children? No. This is way to needlessly complicated to be geared towards them. Furries? Nope. There are nooooooooooo exposed genitals. Animal mascot game enthusiasts? Nuh-uh. Consider me the representative of all of us. I am the self-proclaimed representative; pleased to meet you. On behalf of all of us; I say to you…FAIL. Don’t bother giving me the excuse of, “Made by only one person” because you know what else was made by one person? Dust.


This game controls like Bubsy 3-D. BUBSY 3D! Let that marinate for a minute. The protagonist moves like it’s on the verge of pooping at a moments notice. The visuals, themselves, kinda give me a Minecraft vibe. Maybe I’m wrong about this and normally I’d tell you to play it for yourself but not this time. Just trust me and STFU. The music is a combination of something you’d hear on Sesame Street combined with something you’d hear on an illegal shotacon anime…as opposed to the legal ones, I guess. Enemies have reactions to your [attacks…in](https://steamcommunity.com/linkfilter/?url=http://attacks…in) the sense that they may or may not attack back. It depends on the creature but it’s as simple as a ram attack that knocks you way the ♥♥♥♥ away like an old NES game. When you start a level you’ll be spawned where ever the ♥♥♥♥ the game wants which ranges from dirctly on top of an enemy leading to certain death to directly behind Moose @$$, so keep your fly down jic. As I mentioned, you can buy upgrades. Yeah, ok, feel free. The outfits and colors, actually, aren’t that bad….I mean, this game did a better job of it than MK 11. Yup still salty. Orange is a color not an outfit. It’s so expensive, though. You’ll find yourself using the sparingly given koins on the upgrades, instead. This is where my journey ended, btw. It was after spending the koins on the jump upgrade noticing no difference, and going ♥♥♥♥ THIS!


Twenty minutes on the ♥♥♥♥ING tutorial and the other forty minutes grinding for koins, to give me a better jump, which I thought I needed, to better progress through the game, only to find out that the joke is on me. Btw, the tutorial, which you can skip, loaded as a starting level, anyway. The jumps that are required are so ♥♥♥♥ING SPECIFIC. If your timing isn’t on point you are not going ANYWHERE! You’ll just keep plummeting down the gigantic a-n-u-s of space and the game is LITTERED with s-h-i-t-kicker platforms! So what you may have to do is: Keep playing the first portion until you get sufficient koins for upgrades and, then, trying to play from there. Which I don’t recommend because it requires you to pay to play this game. If someone gifts this to you; it’s because they hate you….that reminds me… So why am I so irate about this vasectomy of video gaming?


This…..game. Is marketed. At 15 dollars. 15 DOLLARS! F-I-F-T-E-E-N D-O-L-L-A-R-S!!!!! I got this game because its priced at a buck fitty and I thought I was making out like a bandit and I was bamboozled. Why market your game at $.50 when you can fool people into thinking that its worth $15 so you can clean up on “sales”? I thought that this game was an innocent victim of circumstance that was ignored for being too cutesy. I was going to try to salvage this game in hopes of keeping the dream alive and, instead, I’ve decided to help you pack. BYE FELICIA! I don’t understand how media like this slips through the cracks and don’t @ me. I paid you money. My money. I’ve earned this right! This game isn’t even memorable on the its so bad its good spectrum. This game is so bad that its bad. Thank you, you’ve given me a successful reason to live because I’m sure the first layer of Hell….is this.


Is this game worth $15? Is it worth $1.49? This game should’ve been free and distributed as a tool as to how NOT to make a game. I AM CONVINCED that this a troll and not a very good one but feel free to have a laugh at my expense because you did get my money. What I need is way more than a simple refund. I don’t want my $1.49 back…I want YOU to pay ME $14.99.

 update 1: \*down\*. I meant thumbs down

 update 2: You don’t need to read this review. You don’t need to play the game.You don’t need to do anything. Don’t give this game any more exposure; it doesn’t deserve it. I’m thumbing this game down MYSELF as well as thumbing down my own review. Everything here…EVERYTHING is a thumbs. There are worse pieces of media out there but I’m not about to judge things in that fashion. If I do, then this game would gt a pass.