Fuck You Guys! Fuck This Sub!

Ever since I joined this sub my life has been ruined. I can only really listen to one song now: GIANT STEPS , THE HARDEST SONG IN JAZZ. So I was driving to Tampa since I have to go there every month and its a long drive for me. I was listening to Giant Steps over and over again, smiling to myself every time the lick happens (you know the one) and thinking I am better than everyone else because I am. So for hours I am letting the jazz happen as I, a jazz man of culture, have even transcended the circle of fifths as a bygone relic of peasantry. I go to visit my parents once I get into the city because I am a good son unlike all of you. My parents also claim to love jazz, I think my dad mentioned Jaco Pastorious once and this one band called snarky dog or some fuckery like that. Anyways I thought it was a place I could trust! I let myself in and they were on the back patio drinking some brews listening to music like they do every weekend. So I step outside to hang out with them only to hear a goddamn train wreck mixed with violent genocide hit my ears all at once. They were listening to that insufferable, limp wrist, hack, fraud KENNY G and his WEAK ASS NOODLE MUSIC THEY CALL JAZZ. I immediately just start screeching in an attempt to drown out the noise. My parents are looking at me in terror as I run up and begin bashing their speaker systems to save them and myself. My dad (more like stepfather at this point) tries to restrain me but I turn around and break my vinyl record of Sketches of Spain by Miles Davis over his head because he wouldn’t even know real jazz if I broke it over his damn head anyways! He goes down quick and I am foaming at the mouth in rage about how Scott LaFaro didn’t die for this (RIP in peace btw) and the importance of deceptive resolution in modern jazz and I just disowned them on the spot. I drove away in a blind rage while crying my eyes out feeling so betrayed.

Now they are pressing charges for so-called “Assault” so fuck this subreddit for ruining my relationship with my parents and siblings. I do not like you.