I would drink Azura’s spit if she asked me to.

No no, you don’t understand. If she spit an entire 12oz glass of saliva, slammed it down on the table next to me, and yelled “drink it mortal,” I would immediately grab that cup fast like a skooma addict and chug it happily without hesitation. I would then ask, no, I would *beg* for another glass of her spit. I’m not even kidding, this is a massive turn on for me. Whenever I have sex with my girlfriend I pretend she’s Azura. I once accidentally called out Azura’s name during sex and my girlfriend got mad at me. We aren’t talking anymore. That’s okay, as long as the Azura commission complex doesn’t die on me, I’ll be happy. I asked her a while ago if she would paint herself blue for me one time and she thought it was weird. I think I’m going to break up with her and find a way to devote myself to this fictional character that doesn’t exist. You know what? Maybe she does exist, maybe this intense desire is her asking me to worship her. I must travel to the shrine of Azura in Skyrim now. I’ll mark it on your map too.