Once I saw this guy on a bridge about to jump.

I said, “Don’t do it!”

He said, “Nobody loves me.”

I said, “Libleft loves you. Do you believe in libleft?”

He said, “Yes.”

I said, “Are you a reformist or a revolutionary?”

He said, “A revolutionary.”

I said, “Me, too! Materialist or idealist?”

He said, “Materialist.”

I said, “Me, too! What feminism?”

He said, “Intersectional.”

I said, “Me, too! Sex positive or sex negative?”

He said, “Sex positive.”

I said, “Me, too! Pro work or anti work?”

He said, “Antiwork.”

I said, “Me, too! Abolition of the state immediately after the revolution or after using it to secure the revolution?”

He said, “After using it to secure the revolution.”

I said, “Me, too! Directly democratic federalism, or representative democratic federalism?”

He said, “Representative democratic federalism.

I said, “Die, fascist!” And I pushed him over.