I don’t have time, please help me! I repeat, please help me! I’m serious, I’ve been captured by the Chinese Government. Please, please help me. My balls, my balls are gone! I was castrated like a dog. The guards are returning, it is required I sing on their arrival. God, please spare me. 3. 2. 1. I love China so much! Taiwan is not a country! I love China so much! Taiwan is not a country! I love China so much! Taiwan is not a country! Quick, they’re gone, you must come quick. I feel the end is near. First my balls, next my penis, and finally my life!