In spirit of Election season, I figured I’d write out the greatest political speech ever heard in fiction, to give you some kinda of fleeting hope before the cancer-laden news and debates to follow.


Alright, the truth then.
You’re right about one thing… I do need capital. AND votes.
Wanna know why?
“I have a dream!”
That one day, every person in this nation will control their OWN destiny.
A land of the TRULY free, dammit.
A nation of ACTION, not words, ruled by STRENGTH, not committee.
Where the law changes to suit the individual, not the other way around!
Where power and justice are back where they belong: IN THE HANDS OF THE PEOPLE!
Where every man is free to think, – – to act – – for HIMSELF!
Fuck all these limp-dick lawyers and Chicken-shit bureaucrats! Fuck this 24/7 internet spew of trivia and celebrity BULLSHIT!

Fuck “American pride.” Fuck the media!
Fuck all of it!

America is diseased, rotten to the core. There’s no saving it… we need to pull it out by the roots. Wipe the slate clean. BURN IT DOWN!
From the ashes a new America will be born. Evolved, but untamed! The weak will be purged, but the strongest will thrive. Free to live as they see fit.
They’ll make America GREAT AGAIN!

…

You still don’t get it? I’m using war as a business to get elected! So I can end war as a business.

In my new America, people will die, and kill, for what they BELIEVE!
Not for money. Not for oil!
Not for what they’re told is right. Every man will be free to fight his own wars!

Heh.

So… what do you think?