I take a long drag of my cigarette then smear the butt on the ash tray.

“Who was I?” I repeat the interviewers question with a hint of condescension and superciliousness.

“I was the Cum Alert guy. Everyone’s knight in shining armor for a day. It was only my second post on the subreddit so I didn’t expect much at first, but after I passed two thousand, then four thousand, I knew I had something on my hands. Something that would stain the top of the month page and even be discoverable on the top of all time if you took some time to scroll with friends. Life was good.” “Life was good.”

My uber rating promptly dropped 2 stars when I got out of the car.